Happy Mutant Holidays
by Red Witch
Summary: It's holiday time again! See how the XMen and Misfits try to cope this year with family, friends, protestors, aliens and the imminent holiday disasters.
1. There's No Place Like Home Unfortunately

**A conspiracy of disgruntled elves has stolen the disclaimer that I don't own any X-Men Evolution and GI Joe characters. Well here it is again, another insane holiday fic for your pleasure and my twisted amusement. If you think you have the blues, wait until you see what these guys endure this year!**

**Happy Mutant Holidays**

**Chapter I: There's No Place Like Home, Unfortunately**

"Ah Christmas," Kurt grinned as he hung up some holly on the ceilings using his ability to stick to walls. "Isn't there any better time of year?"

"You mean if there's another time of year when the suicide rate is higher, no," Bobby grumbled as he strung up some decorations. Scott, Remy and Rogue were also helping them decorate the mansion for the season.

"What's got you so down?" Remy asked. "I thought you liked Christmas."

"I do, but it still reminds me of my family that kicked me out then made a quick buck off of selling my life story," Bobby said. "Funny as it sounds it does bum me out a little."

"At least your family is somewhat normal compared to me and Kurt's," Rogue told him. "That will depress anyone no matter **what **time of year it is!"

"I'm not exactly a big fan of the holidays myself," Scott sighed. "Last year was pure hell. And that's putting it mildly."

"It wasn't **that **bad," Kurt said. "Well apart from all the fighting, our run in with Cobra and Mystique, a disastrous trip to Atlantic City, Jean's evil grandmother, a cat that went insane, Jubilee's emotional breakdown and all those demons running amok."

"Don't forget the dead Santa," Rogue pointed out.

"I wish I **could** forget the dead Santa," Kurt shuddered. "We never seem to have any normal holidays do we?"

"You've been here **how** long?" Scott looked at him.

"Yeah dude," Bobby shook his head. "I mean this Thanksgiving was the worst! We didn't even get a chance to eat our turkey before those stupid BATS attacked!"

"Well at least Penny enjoyed her Thanksgiving," Scott remarked as he saw the mute pink haired mutant happily gnawing at a broken robot arm in a corner.

"She's still got that thing?" Bobby blinked.

"She loves it," Scott explained. "It's like her favorite toy or something."

"Well the mansion isgonna be a lot more crowded this year," Bobby said. "What with the new people and all."

"I know Betsy's staying here cause her parents are in Africa on safari," Rogue said. "Or are they protesting safaris in Africa? I forgot which. Anyway she's staying here. Her brother might visit though."

"My parents are visiting again," Kurt said. "My adopted ones."

"I hope so," Bobby said. "Because I don't think we'd survive another visit from Mystique or Azazel."

"Well they're coming here because there's a lot of anti-mutant hysteria in Europe and they figure it will be safer for me," Kurt explained. "That and the fact that they want to visit the slot machines in Atlantic City again."

"Kitty will be back after spending Hanukah with her folks," Scott said. "As far as I know the only ones visiting family are Everett, Rahne, Danielle, Sam and Paige."

"So everybody's pretty much staying here for the holidays huh?" Rogue asked.

"Looks like it," Kurt said. "I know Doug's on the outs with his parents after Thanksgiving."

"What happened?" Bobby asked.

"Some FOH jerks decided to protest outside their front lawn," Scott informed him. "And then one of them set fire to his dad's car. Which spread to the house."

"Again?" Bobby's jaw dropped. "His parent's house got burned down **again?** That's the second time this year!"

"And surprise, I got blamed for it!" Doug groaned as he walked up to them with Jean. "Something tells me I'm going to spend a lot of my holidays here."

"Join the club," Bobby said sympathetically. "How were your parents Jean?"

"Not bad, they're going to the Bahamas again for Christmas," Jean told them.

"You're not spending Christmas with your family again?" Scott asked. "I thought they would insist after, you know…What happened a few weeks ago."

"You mean the big blast in New York when we literally destroyed the Hellfire Club?" Rogue looked at him. "I thought for sure your family would freak out after that Jean."

" Well that's because they don't know the whole story. I kind of skipped the part about me being possessed by an all-powerful cosmic force and having it fused to my body and soul," Jean told him. "Besides, something else came up."

"What happened?" Scott asked.

"It's no big deal," Jean shook her head. "My Grandmother died that's all."

"Wait your grandmother? The evil witch who insulted everyone last year?" Rogue asked. "Oh sorry…"

"No offense taken," Jean sighed. "My parents said a lot worse at the wake."

"So what happened?" Remy asked. "How did she die? A house fell on her?"

"Do you have any idea how many times I've heard that joke?" Jean groaned. "It was natural causes."

"What does that mean?" Bobby asked.

"It means she wasn't murdered or abducted by aliens slush for brains," Rogue told him. "It also means none of your beeswax!"

"She died on the toilet didn't she?" Remy asked. Rogue hit him on the arm. "What? Remy just asking!"

"You are **not** helping Gambit!" Jean snapped. "I mean yeah I hated her but she was still family. How can you really hate your family?"

"Boy Jean you are asking the **wrong** group of people **that **question," Rogue rolled her eyes.

"When's the funeral?" Scott asked. "Or did it happen already?"

"There wasn't one," Jean said. "She didn't believe in them. Said they were a waste of money."

"You're kidding?" Rogue's jaw dropped.

"It was in her instructions she gave to her lawyer years ago," Jean scoffed. "Get this, she's having herself frozen!"

"Isn't that a little much?" Bobby asked. "I mean I know she's dead and all and she had the personality of an icicle…"

"No, she put her money so she could have her body frozen until medical science could cure her," Jean explained.

"I think what she had is pretty much incurable," Rogue scoffed.

"I know, coming back from the dead," Jean shook her head. "Unbelievable."

"I was referring to her personality," Rogue corrected. "But come to think about it, death suits her."

"At least we don't have to worry about her bumming us out," Bobby pointed out.

"Looks like we got a lot of other things to bum us out," Remy pointed behind them.

"What the…?" Scott blinked.

Jubilee, Dead Girl, Tabitha, Rina and Logan walked in. They were covered with some kind of lotion all over their clothes and looked like they had been in a fight. "I am never going shopping with you girls again," Logan grumbled. "Never, ever, **ever!"**

"That goes double for you Badger!" Tabitha snapped. "Even before the whole mess I can't believe what you did!"

"We're not the ones who totally over reacted!" Jubilee added.

"People who squirt other people with perfume deserve to get a broken bottle of perfume broken over their heads!" Logan snapped.

"I see Logan used his usual brand of diplomacy to handle holiday shopping," Jean grinned. "Is that why you're all back so early?"

"And why do you all smell like…?" Rogue took a sniff. "Vanilla mixed with Cherry Blossoms and sugar?"

"We kind of had a little run in with some FOH creeps at the mall," Jubilee grumbled as she tried to remove a lotion stain on her jacket. "Long story short: We're completely banned from the Bayville Mall permanently and the Bath and Body Works store is missing a wall."

"On the up side it has a new door," Tabitha said. "Okay technically it's just an entrance to the parking lot but…"

"I don't believe this!" Scott groaned.

"It wasn't our fault!" Tabitha protested.

"It's never your fault!" Scott pointed out.

"They started the fight!" Jubilee said.

"I only unsheathed my claws when one of them pulled out a sword," Rina nodded.

"A sword?" Scott blinked.

"They have one of those places that sells replicated swords and weapons," Tabitha said. "And technically it wasn't really a sword. It was one of those Star Trek Klingon Batleth things."

"It was still pretty sharp," Dead Girl looked at a rip in her jacket. "Trust me on this."

"The FOH was using weapons based on Star Trek to attack you at the mall?" Kurt blinked. "Is it me or is this town getting weirder?"

"I still can't believe how irresponsible you were!" Scott told them.

"So we got into a little fight," Logan grumbled.

"We? What do you mean 'we'?" Scott blinked. "What did **you **do?"

"I was just helping out the kids that's all," Logan told him. "I mean come on! Using those grenade launchers was overkill!"

"GRENADE LAUNCHERS?" Scott shouted. "WHAT THE HELL KIND OF STORES ARE **IN** THIS MALL?"

"Yup, Bayville is definitely getting weirder," Bobby nodded.

"Scott," Jean put her hand on his arm. "What's done is done. The important thing is that no one got hurt and we have our lawyer's number on speed dial. We'd better tell the Professor about this."

"Charles is already conversing with his attorney," Hank said as he walked up to them.

"He already knows?" Bobby asked.

"He's a telepath, duh!" Tabitha rolled her eyes.

"Actually it's about something else that came up," Hank looked at Penny. "It seems little Penance has been sneaking out at night and causing mischief."

"What kind of mischief?" Jean asked. "She's not chasing mailmen again is she?"

"I don't think so but whatever it is neither the police nor the local chapter of the FOH are happy," Hank said.

"What did **you** do?" Scott whirled on her. Penny simply looked at him. "What did you **do?" **

"I think it has something to do with all those torn pants and sliced gun parts she hides in her closet," Dead Girl spoke up.

"WHAT?" Logan sputtered.

"I don't know where she's been getting them for the last few weeks," Dead Girl explained. "But she's really getting a stockpile in there. I think I even saw a couple of cop badges too."

"Oh for crying out…" Logan slapped his head. "It was hard enough to housebreak her! Now we gotta teach her not to hunt down the FOH!"

"At least she doesn't set fire to 'em like Lockheed," Rogue shrugged.

"That only happened once," Rina pointed out. "And it was in self defense."

"Well that explains the racket outside," Dead Girl pointed.

"Here we go again," Scott groaned as they all went over to the windows to see the commotion at the gates of the Institute. "Some things just never change!"

"Oh look at all the protesters at the gate," Rogue quipped. "And they're singing their favorite carol, Deck the Mutants with A Hammer."

"Wait a minute…" Jean looked out the window. "There are some other protestors out there and they're arguing. What are they carrying? FOMK? What is FOMK?"

"Friends of Mutant Kind," Hank said. "I've heard about them. They're a grass roots organization that supports mutants."

"Well that's some good news," Rogue said. "At least not everybody's against us."

"Don't be too happy to see 'em," Logan sighed. "These guys like to show their support for mutant rights by setting FOH buildings on fire!"

"And that's a bad thing?" Remy quipped.

"It's starting to get rough out there," Tabitha said as she watched. "Whoa! For a priest that guy has a good right hook!"

"Here comes thepolice," Dead Girl said. "Look Penny! Look at all the big shiny plastic shields!"

"And now there's a riot on our door step," Scott groaned. "Oh look, someone set fire to our holiday tree in front of the mansion."

"Look at those FOH guys run!" Bobby pointed. "Go FOMK!"

"Where did the FOMK guys get a tank?" Rogue asked.

"Wherever they got it, they should have gotten driving lessons as well," Doug remarked. "Didn't we just get that wall fixed?"

"At least they're on our side," Bobby said.

BOOOOOMMMMM!

"Whoa! Dude look at that explosion!" Kurt's jaw dropped. "That empty car must have been blown up into a million bits!"

"Just what we need on our side," Logan remarked. "More trigger happy lunatics!"

"Makes those NRA guys look pretty tame don't they?" Tabitha asked.

"Yeah but it's still nice that Charlton Heston personally sends us a Christmas card every year," Jubilee said.

"Well this is a **great **way to kick off our holiday season," Hank groaned. "And to think, the Misfits aren't even **here** yet!"

**Next chapter: Family and Friends show up. Lock the doors. You won't believe who I send in this time. I'm not so sure I believe it either. I have no idea where this is going but won't it be fun to find out together? If you haven't noticed already this fic will be completely insane and full of pointless madness. You have been warned. **


	2. Family Infestation on Christmas Vacation

**Family Infestation on Christmas Vacation**

"I can't believe it took nearly seven hours to get rid of them," Scott moaned as the X-Men slunk into the kitchen. "Even with the National Guard!"

"The Friends of Mutant Kind mean well," Jean said. "They're just showing their support the wrong way."

"By wrong way you mean blowing up all our enemies? Maybe that not so bad," Remy chuckled.

"Personally it's the fact that they tried to blow them up on our doorstep that's ticking me off," Rogue said. "And they wrecked half our outside holiday decorations with that stupid firefight with the FOH."

"Well at least they left before Alex and Kurt's parents got here," Scott sighed. "Maybe things will get quiet for a change?"

_"X-Men, please report to the library," _Xavier sent a mental summons. _"We have some guests I think you should meet." _

"Then again…" Scott sighed as they left.

"Oh please let it be for some kind of secret mission for SHEILD," Rogue threw up her hands. "I don't think I could take any more family surprises this year."

But she and the other X-Men were in for a huge surprise when they saw who was calmly sipping tea in the library with Xavier and Ororo. "I don't believe this!" Rogue gasped.

"YOU! WHAT ARE **YOU **DOING HERE?" Remy shouted.

"What? Can't a father visit his son for the holidays?" Jean Luc LeBeau asked as he calmly sipped some tea.

"Great the head of the Thieves' Guild is here. Better hide the silverware," Scott grumbled.

"Yeah like the Misfits didn't **already** steal it," Remy glared at him.

"You have a point," Scott admitted.

"But so do you," Remy grunted. He glared at his adopted father. "You never visit anyone for no reason. What scam have you cooked up this time? You…AAAAAHHHH!"

Everyone was surprised when two small figures in red and black hoods and garments tackled Remy from behind a couch. "Got Ya!" They laughed.

"Get off me you crazy little…" Remy grumbled.

"Does anybody know what's going on here?" Jean asked.

"Do we ever?" Scott replied.

There were three other individuals that came out of the shadows. They were all over twenty years old and were wearing black uniforms with red vests. One had long red hair in a ponytail and looked a lot like Jean Luc. One was African American and the third was bald with an earring. "Come on little brother," The African American chuckled. "You getting' all stuffy hangin' round here."

"Not funny Alphonse," Remy growled as he shook off the two smaller figures. "Why you here?"

"Just showing you some brotherly love this fine holiday season," The red haired one snickered.

"Hey Henri, This makes up for the time he snuck a whoopie cushion in your car when you went on that date with that fine femme Maria," The bald one laughed.

"Not even close Gustave," Henri snorted. "But it's a start."

"Come on," Alphonse said. "You know all brothers have a duty to torment each other."

"Brothers?" Rogue blinked. She turned to Remy. "You have **brothers?"**

"Correction," One of the two small hooded thieves removed her hood. "Brothers and **sisters."** She was a young red haired girl about thirteen years old.

"That's right, **sisters!"** The second girl removed her hood. She was also thirteen years old but had black hair.

**"Sisters?"** Rogue's jaw dropped. She turned to Remy. "You have **sisters **and you never told me?"

"That's right!" The black haired girl pointed to herself with her thumb. "I'm Charlotte!"

"And I'm Celeste!" The red haired girl pointed to herself with her thumb.

"These are my boys Henri, Alphonse and Gustave," Jean Luc said with pride.

"Gustave and I are also adopted," Alphonse explained. "A little bit before Remy actually."

"It's a family tradition that the leader of the Thieves' Guild adopt at least a few kids to add to his family," Henri waved.

"And these are my half sisters," Henri explained. "Papa remarried a while ago."

"Great, Trinity and Spyder will have some new friends to play with," Scott mocked.

"Shut up, Cyclops," Remy glared at him.

"Your brothers are right about one thing, you so uptight Remy," Belladonna snickered as she also appeared out of the shadows.

"Oh lord no…" Remy turned white. "Not you! The leaders of **both** the Thieves and Assassins Guilds here?"

"Relax, Boy," Jean Luc waved his hands. "There's been a truce ever since a bigger rivalry blew into New Orleans. You know, with Madame Katrina?"

"I've seen the pictures on television…" Rogue said. "The X-Men wanted to help but we…"

"We had a little incident in LA," Jean interrupted. "Let's just say the authorities ordered us to stay away from the Midwest."

"Let me guess, the one with the Chinese gang, that Black Mantis assassin and that house exploding?" Alphonse asked. "We heard about that too."

"What happened? How is everything?" Remy asked. "I tried to find out what was going on but…I almost went down there and…"

"And you would have found nothing," Jean Luc sighed. "It's gone Remy. Our family home is no more. Got flooded and caught on fire."

"The headquarters for the Assassins Guild was also lost," Belladonna said. "Luckily most of my clan was out on missions at the time so none of my people were killed. Well not by the hurricane anyway."

"Most of us managed to survive too," Gustave said. "Jean Pierre was washed away when he tried to rescue some kid and Cousin Francis was shot by a looter if you can believe it. But other than that our family survived."

"Rivers gang weren't so lucky," Alphonse sighed. "Nearly all of 'em were killed in the flood. Most of the organized gangs in New Orleans are either dead, gone to other cities or banded together now."

"We all decided on a truce, to help rebuild the city and make things better," Belladonna said. "Both Thieves and Assassins lent out some of our people to the police to help patrol and clean up. But it's still gonna be a long, long time before the city gets back to normal."

"And even then it will never be the same," Henri sighed.

"I should have been there," Remy's face grew hard. "I should have…"

"What? What would you have done Remy? Charge up your cards and scare the hurricane away?" Belladonna asked. "There's nothing you could have done and coming down may have made things worse."

"But we're the X-Men! We could have done something!" Remy told her. "Storm…"

"I told you, Remy," Ororo said sadly. "It was too strong even for me to handle. Even I cannot completely change all the weather patterns of the world."

"You were here and safe, and that's what's important to me," Jean Luc got up and put his hand on his shoulder. "Now I know you and me never really see eye to eye but I always did care for you as if you were my own."

"Your own personal thief," Remy grumbled.

"You never exactly complained before," Jean Luc said.

"Let's get back to the subject before another firefight breaks out," Rogue held up her hand. "I don't mind Belladonna being here, but what's the story with the rest of you?"

"You serious? Considering Remy's past history with her?" Jean Luc was surprised.

"Told you we were friends," Belladonna grinned.

"We need a place to stay for a while, out of New Orleans," Jean Luc said. "It's not safe for my girls and the boys needed a vacation anyway."

"Mr. Lebeau and his family are here to temporarily escape the devastation in the Gulf Coast," Xavier said. "And provided that they behave themselves I have allowed this."

"You're joking?" Scott's jaw dropped.

"Scott, he lets the Misfits come over here," Rogue looked at him.

"Oh yeah," Scott sighed. "I guess compared to them these guys aren't that bad."

"Professor," Remy whispered in Xavier's ear. "This may be not such a good idea. You don't know them like I do. They all got minds like steel traps. A little thing like a flood or fire wouldn't make them just up and leave New Orleans. They are up to something."

"Highly likely," Xavier nodded as he calmly sipped his tea.

"Then why you say they could stay here?" Remy asked. "You may think Remy have a twitchy hand, but compared to them he's a Boy Scout!"

"You Remy's girlfriend?" Celeste asked Rogue.

"Did you know he used to wet the bed until he was fourteen years old?" Charlotte asked.

"LIES!" Remy pointed at them. "THEY'RE LIARS! DON'T LISTEN TO THEM!"

"He's right," Alphonse grinned. "Remy not wet the bed until he was fourteen."

"He wet the bed until he was **fifteen**," Henri grinned. He looked at Remy. "Now we even for the whoopie cushion."

"Who want's to see a picture of Remy as Snow White when he was a little boy?" Belladonna waved a small picture book around. "As well as a few other embarrassing pictures?"

"Oh I do! I do!" Rogue grinned and shot her hand up.

"NO YOU DON'T!" Remy shouted.

"You wanna see your brother's room?" Rogue had a wicked grin on her face.

"YEAH!" The twin girls yelled as they followed her.

"Lead the way!" Belladonna laughed. "We can look at the pictures in there!"

"I got the shaving cream!" Alphonse snickered as the other Lebeau Brothers followed after them. "Boys! Get out the silly string and pink bunny slippers!"

"Oh no…" Remy ran off to try and recover his reputation before his family completely destroyed it. "No, no, no…"

"I think I'm starting to see why Remy never told us about his family," Jean said.

"I think I'm starting to see why Remy wet the bed until he was fifteen," Scott blinked.

Meanwhile upstairs Jubilee went into the room she shared with Rina. Rina was at Danger Room practice so she had the place to herself. Or so she thought.

She opened up her closet to get a sweater and saw someone sitting in there. "Hello Jubilee," Her Aunt Hope was there, her head had a bandage on it and her arm was in a cast. But other than that she looked very much alive.

"AUNT HOPE?" Jubilee gasped. "YOU…"

"Alive, yeah," Hope quickly put her hand over her niece's mouth. "But barely. Please! I don't want to attract any attention!"

Jubilee pulled away. "But…you're dead! The house! It blew up and…"

"There was a trap door," Hope explained. "I used it for emergencies. Unfortunately it got a little stuck and as you can see I'm still recovering. I was only just recently able to get up and about to see you. I never intended for you to think I was dead. Just the Chinese Crime Syndicate and the Authorities."

"But what are you doing **here?"** Jubilee asked. "Did you know Brad was arrested?"

"I know, I know…" Hope groaned. "I'm working on it. Ow…My side still hurts. Jubilee I know I don't have the right to ask you this but can you please let me hide out here for a little while?"

"I dunno, I gotta ask…" 

"No! No I don't want to drag Xavier and the others into this!" Hope held up her hands.

"How can you not?" Jubilee asked. "He's a telepath remember? This place is crawling with them! Wait a minute…How did you sneak in here?"

"Scrambler," Hope tapped her forehead. "Had it implanted years ago. Helps keep nosy intruders out."

"Logan!" Jubilee remembered.

"I have a special scent erasing lotion spray," Hope told her. "And I bribed that dragon with some beef jerky."

"I know I am gonna regret this," Jubilee sighed. "But fine, you can hide out in here for a while. But not too long!"

"Got it, after Christmas I am out of here," Hope nodded.

"Now I just gotta explain to my room mate why my fugitive aunt is hiding in my closet and not to tell anyone," Jubilee groaned.

But Jubilee and Remy were not to be the only ones with family problems this holiday season.

"Do you hear something outside?" Kurt asked Ray as they were watching television in the living room.

"Yeah it sounds like something's stuck in our chimney," Ray realized. The two of them looked at it.

"I wonder…" Kurt went to look up the flue when suddenly a huge pile of soot got him in the face. "AAAKKK!"

WHUMP! WHUMP! WHUMP!

"What's going on now?" Scott ran in with Jean and Bobby.

"Something fell down the chimney," Ray pointed. "And it ain't Santa Claus."

Kurt pushed something heavy off of him and looked at three familiar soot covered figures. "Benos? Stephan? Maxx?" Kurt gasped. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?"

"Uh, hi brother," Maxx gulped.

"Dad's really ticked off at us," Benos said.

"Can we stay with you for a while?" Stephan asked.

"What did you **do?"** Kurt yelled. "And how did you get here?"

"Long story short they hitched a ride with me," Illyana rounded the corner with S'ym and Peter. "They ended up in Limbo after their father chased them out of their home dimension."

"Don't wanna go into details but let's just say it involves a catapult, some monster innards and Stephan's lousy aim," Benos grumbled.

"ME?" Stephan whirled on his brother and smacked him in the head. "**You're** the one who was at the controls!"

"Well it wasn't my fault!" Maxx said. "How was I too know Father's bedroom window was exactly…"

"NEVER MIND!" Kurt held up his hands. "I GET THE PICTURE!"

"So can we stay here for a while so Father doesn't kill us?" Benos pleaded.

"Please Brother Kurt!" Stephan knelt down and grabbed Kurt by the waist. "Please!"

"Pleeeeeeeeeeese!" Max wailed.

"Oh all right **already!** I'll talk to the Professor!" Kurt threw up his hands.

"Dude! You can't be serious!" Bobby said. "Didn't they like try to take over the world just a few months ago?"

"Technically that was our father," Benos said. "We're just foot soldiers."

"Yeah we're not smart enough to think of stuff like that," Maxx sniffed. "Really, we're not."

"We can't even spell Earth, much less conquer it," Stephan nodded.

"I believe them," Illyana said. "I've had experience dealing with demons, and trust me when I say this, they are incapable of taking over anything other than food pantry."

"They make me look smart," S'ym nodded.

"See what I mean?" Illyana sighed.

"Again with the jokes about my intelligence," S'ym grumbled.

"Well how am I supposed to pass up an opportunity like that when you set it up so well?" Illyana snapped.

"You never respect my feelings!" S'ym bawled as he ran off.

"Oh for the love of…" Illyana snapped as she followed him. "Is it that time of the month for you?"

"Time of the month?" Bobby blinked. "But isn't he a he?"

"I think it's a demon thing," Peter told them.

Benos' stomach growled. "I'm hungry," He whined.

"Gee there's a shock!" Maxx smacked him on the head.

"Stop hitting me!" Benos hit back.

"Quiet both of you!" Stephan hit the two of them on the head.

"I'm hungry too!" Maxx spread his wings and started to fly around. "Let's find the food!"

"Come back here!" Kurt chased his brothers. "You're getting soot all over the place! PROFESSOR!"

"Well this is going to be a **fun** holiday. Let's see, in addition to the fires and riots we now have Royal Family of the Thieves Guild, Gambit's ex-fiancée and a group of demons," Scott counted off. "Some of them which are related to Kurt and possibly the Three Stooges."

"Don't forget your brother's coming as well as Kurt's parents," Jean pointed out.

"Just needs one more thing to make this holiday a complete and total hell," Scott said.

"Hey guys!" Todd hopped in with the Misfits following. "HAPPY HOLIDAYS!"  
"And **there** it is!" Scott dramatically gestured to them. "Good Night folks!"

**Yeah I thought it would be fun for Remy's family to show up. So I made up a couple of 'em! Next some really crazy stuff as the Misfits and X-Men interact with everybody's relatives! He he…I have no idea where this is going but won't it be fun to find out? **


	3. Typical Holiday Insanity

**Typical Holiday Insanity**

"All right! Listen up!" Logan roared. "NO MORE EGGNOG FIGHTS IN THE HOUSE!" All around him the walls, furniture and floor was covered in eggnog.

"Does that mean we can do it outside?" Benos held up his hand. Kurt's brothers, Remy's brothers, Bobby, Ray, Kurt, Todd, Fred and the toddlers were all involved in the fight.

"Don't look at me!" Kurt said. "I was trying to stop them! My parents are going to be here any minute! The last thing I need is for them to see this mess!"

Apparently so was Hank, but not by choice. "Great, my fur is going to smell like eggnog for weeks," Hank sighed as he looked at himself.

"That's a bad thing?" Maxx asked.

"You have a point," Hank said as he watched the toddlers lick eggnog everywhere. "No, boys! Don't lick the couch!"

"For cryin' out loud," Logan grumbled as he picked up a struggling Barney and Claudius. "Where's Shipwreck? Isn't he supposed to be watching his kids?"

"He's supposed to be but he isn't," Todd shrugged.

"Like **that** surprises me," Logan grunted.

"Shipwreck's outside with Forge and some of the others putting up the holiday decorations," Hank told him.

"He's bringing back the neon reindeer and the dogs barking Jingle Bells isn't he?" Logan sighed.

"Among other things. Boy Charles really left in a hurry to that conference in Washington DC didn't he?" Hank looked at Logan.

"Conference my holly berries," Logan grimaced. Clearly he wanted to say something a lot stronger if it wasn't for the squalling boys in his grasp. "Will you two knock it off? Geeze! You kids get louder every day!"

"Down! Down!" Barney screamed.

"Down! Down! Down!" Claudius screamed. He bit Logan's hand.

"AAAAHHHHGGGH!" Logan winced. "Why you little…"

"Hold on! I got this!" Todd grabbed Claudius. "No, no…No biting! You know better than that!"

"I got this one," Fred grabbed Barney before Logan could kill them. "No crying. You don't want to be on Santa's naughty list now do you?"

"I think it's a little late for **that,"** Logan growled as he held his hand.

"Actually for those two being on the naughty list might be a step up," Ray remarked.

"All right!" Illyana walked in with Peter behind her. "Time to get all the holiday crap out of our systems! S'ym is out there waiting with the flame-throwers and toilet paper."

"Oooh! This is what S'ym was telling us about earlier!" Benos squealed.

"Let's go!" Stephan yelled. The three demon brothers ran out following Illyana.

"She's going to take them caroling again this year, right?" Logan sighed.

"Oh yes," Peter sighed. "I'd better follow them."

"Caroling?" Henri asked. "What is so bad about caroling?"

"Last year my sister and her demon horde decided to pay a call on all our enemies and torment them," Peter explained. "By singing to them and trashing everything in sight."

"Looks like they're continuing the tradition this year," Remy chuckled. "Only Nightcrawler's relatives are going instead."

"Anything to get them out of my fur for a little bit," Kurt moaned. "They've already trashed my room."

"Really?" Alphonse looked at his brothers. "You know, suddenly I am filled with the Christmas Spirit."

"So am I," Henri grinned. "Brothers let us join our demon friends as they go caroling."

"They're going to steal our enemies blind aren't they?" Logan asked as they ran off.

"Yup," Remy nodded. "Remy thinks he's just figured out the real reason his family came this year."

"Well," Logan sighed. "Better them than us."

"Yeah since the Misfits have already picked this place clean from time to time," Remy rationalized.

"Excuse me," Hank held up his hand. "As much as I'd hate to be the proverbial Scrooge, I'd like to point out that as X-Men we are supposed to be against crime."

"Technically we against **mutant** crimes," Remy said. "And since my brothers are human and their targets are mostly going to be human…"

"Not to mention real jerks who probably deserve it," Logan added. "Yeah I think we should let it slide this time."

"YEOWWWWW! OW! OW! OW!" Shipwreck could be heard screaming. The lights in the mansion dimmed on and off for a few seconds.

"Besides it's not like we don't have **enough** problems around here!" Logan groaned. "Come on Beast, Gumbo, we'd better see what the Wise Guys are doing. The rest of you clean this up!"

"No problem!" Todd said as he put down Claudius. "Okay little guy! Lick it up! That's it! Get it all!"

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Ray asked. "Won't they get germs or something?"

"Nah! As long as they don't swallow anything other than eggnog they'll be fine," Todd waved. "I mean I used to lick the floor as a baby and I turned out okay." He looked at his hands and started to blink. "Have you ever looked at your fingernails and wondered what color they are and why they're the color they are?"

Meanwhile Logan, Hank and Remy were outside. They were looking at Shipwreck hopping around tied up with Christmas lights that were blinking on and off. "I'm okay…" He said in a funny voice.

"Let me guess," Logan sighed. "He made a pass at Storm again before she left with Jean didn't he?"

"Yup," Forge said. "But on the up side her electric shocks seem to charge up those old dim bulbs we found."

"Speaking of dim bulbs…" Remy looked at the assortment of volunteers helping. Arcade, Xi, Tim, Roberto and Shane were there. "Is it Remy or are there even more crazy gadgets this time?"

"Yeah," Arcade nodded excitedly. "Wait until you see our latest invention! Show 'em Forge."

"You know that movie with Jim Carrey 'The Grinch'?" Forge said as he held a gizmo. "Well I saw something that inspired me!" He turned on a huge machine that looked like a machine gun. "Do it Shooter!"

"All right!" Shane grinned as he took the controls. He took aim and then shot out a continuous string of bright light bulbs like a machine gun. Somehow they stuck to the side of house without breaking. "I tell you I never enjoyed decorating for Christmas more!"

"Neat huh?" Arcade chirped.

"No wonder Jean and Ororo went so fast to go pick up Alex and the Elf's folks from the airport," Logan grumbled.

"Can I try?" Remy asked.

"Me first," Hank said.

"I can't take this," Logan groaned as he went back inside. "I think the eggnog fight was saner."

He went inside and saw Jubilee and Rina loaded up with food and craft materials. "All right, now what are you two up to? What's with all the food?"

"We're making gifts," Rina told him.

"Uh yeah," Jubilee said. "Doing some wrapping and a little crafts. Thought we'd stay in our room and work."

"I guess I can't blame you for wanting to hide in your room for a while," Logan said.

"WHOOO HOOOO!" Pietro ran by in a blur.

"COME BACK HERE AND DIE LIKE A MAN YOU FRUITCAKE!" Tabitha shouted as she and Wanda ran behind him.

"No Tabitha! Let me hurt him for you!" Wanda shouted.

"WHEN MY SAMMY FINDS OUT ABOUT THAT STUNT YOU PULLED WITH THE MISTLETOE…." Tabitha yelled as they rounded the corner. "DIE!"

BOOM! BOOOM!

FIZZLE!

"OW! WANDA! NO FAIR!" Pietro shouted. "NO TABBY! NO!"

BOOM!

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!" Tabitha squealed. "REVENGE IS SWEET!"

BOOOM!

"Actually hiding in a room right now is starting to look appealing," Logan blinked as some plaster fell from the ceiling. "Technically though I think you kids aren't supposed to have so much food in your rooms."

"Well that rule kind of went out the window when Belladonna stuffed that giant cheese wheel in the guest room closet," Jubilee said.

"A what?" Logan blinked. "What cheese wheel?"

"Wheeeeeee!" Spyder and Daria suddenly went by rolling a giant cheese wheel.

"That cheese wheel," Rina pointed.

"We're gonna win!" Celeste followed them.

"Oh no you don't!" Quinn and Charlotte followed them. "Come on girls!"

"Cheese Soccer is fun!" Brittany squealed as she brought up the rear.

"COME BACK WITH MY CHRISTMAS CHEESE YOU MANIACS!" Belladonna raced after them with Rogue.

"You little rug rats are so gonna get it!" Rogue shouted.

Logan stood there for a full minute after they left. "I don't wanna to know…" Logan closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead. "I **don't **wanna to know."

"Okay we're going into our room and not coming out for a while," Jubilee turned to leave.

"Yeah but before you do I gotta tell you something," Logan put his hand on her shoulder. "I know last Christmas was kind of rough on you. And this year with your aunt and all…Well, I just wanna let you know that you don't have to go it alone. You hear what I'm saying?"

"Trust me Wolvie," Jubilee groaned. "This year I'm **definitely** not going to cry over my aunt!"

BOOM! BOOM BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM BOOM! BOOM!

"What is that?" Logan yelled.

"Sounds like 'Silent Night'," Jubilee thought. "Being done by explosives."

"FORGE! SHIPWRECK!" Logan roared as he tore down the hallway. "NOW WHAT ARE YOU MANIACS DOING?"

"Thanks a lot X," Jubilee sighed. "I owe you a big one."

"Just don't expect me to cover for you forever," Rina told her as they got to their room.

"Close the door," Jubilee ordered. Then she knocked on the closet door. "Aunt Hope? I got some food."

The door opened and they saw Aunt Hope wearing a Santa hat on her head. "It's about freaking time. Where's my eggnog?"

"There was an incident with it," Jubilee rolled her eyes. "But I did get you a thermos of punch, a turkey sandwich, some Christmas cookies and an assortment of Hostess Cakes."

"Good, you can only get so much nutrition sucking on candy canes for an hour," Aunt Hope graciously accepted them.

"Oh and I also got some more popsicle sticks and felt for you," Jubilee gave her some more art supplies. "And I got the glitter you wanted."

"Thanks! I was running low," Hope told her as she accepted them.

"You're making your aunt do crafts in the closet?" Rina looked at her.

"Well she needs something to do while she's hiding in there," Jubilee told her. "And I needed some help on my holiday gifts so…Why not kill two birds with one stone?"

"And people call **me **psychotic?" Rina blinked.

"You know these popsicle stick baskets are harder to make than I thought," Hope said as she worked on them. "But they are kind of fun."

"You're up to the baskets already?" Rina blinked.

"Yup, the paper poinsettias and the potholders are all done," Hope told her, pointing to the huge pile in the corner of the room. "I feel like one of Santa's Elves."

"And I feel like things are going to get a lot more weird before this holiday is over," Rina groaned.

And she was right.


	4. The Gift That Keeps on Giving

**The Gift That Keeps on Giving**

"No I don't think Hermie the Elf was gay," Scott snapped at Todd and Kurt as he went to answer the door. "I don't care what you say! Now please stop talking about this while I get the door?"

"It's a valid argument," Todd said.

"It's an insane argument," Kurt told him.

"Exactly!" Scott agreed as he opened the door. "Alex!"

"Scott!" Alex gave his brother a hug.

"Mama! Papa!" Kurt shouted with joy as his adopted parents walked into the room. Hugs went all around.

"Dude, love the surfboarding snowmen," Alex grinned.

"Oh goddess Shipwreck is still out there?" Ororo groaned as she walked in with some bags.

"Yeah and he's still glowing as a result of that shock you gave him before you left," Todd snickered. "Hey didn't Red go with you guys to the airport?"

"Jean's parking the van," Ororo explained. "She'll be here in a minute."

"So how have all of you been?" Mr. Wagner asked. "It's been so long since we've seen you!"

"Well…" Scott began.

"For the last time Lance," Althea rolled her eyes as she turned the corner with Lance right behind her. "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer was **not** a mutant!"

"Oh come on!" Lance said. "How many normal reindeer with red glowing noses do you know? He's probably the first nationally recognized mutant holiday symbol!"

"He got his powers because of a magic spell you ignoramus!" Althea snapped. "Didn't you see 'Rudolph Meets Frosty'?"

"That is anti-mutant propaganda and you know it," Lance said. "Besides there's a reason that special is the weakest of the Rudolph series."

"Pretty much the same as last year I take it?" Alex looked at Scott.

"I just can't win," Scott groaned. "Guys, our families are here. Can we please talk about something else besides insane holiday cartoon arguments?"

"Like what?" Todd asked.

"Anything!" Scott snapped.

"You will not believe what we saw them doing as I was driving up here with them!" Jean said as she walked in. "Guess! Take a guess!"

"They were staging a revival of 'The Producers' in the middle of the street?" Lance asked.

"They were training grizzly bears to dance the Nutcracker Ballet?" Althea added.

"A big ball of cotton candy was rolling all over the place and everybody was getting stuck to it!" Todd piped up. "And they brought in a dozen clowns in a tiny little yellow car to wash it away with a big fire hose!"

"No, no and **no**," Jean glared at them. "There's now a street sign at the end of the block that says and I quote: Caution: Mutant Residence Ahead."

"You're kidding?" Scott blinked.

"I'm afraid not," Ororo sighed.

"I should have stuck with the cartoon arguments," Scott groaned.

"It was there," Mrs. Wagner shook her head. "We saw it. It even had a little monster face on it."

"Is that even **legal?"** Kurt asked.

"Like that'll stop 'em," Lance scoffed. "They'll probably throw out some old law that gives them a loophole to do it. You know like they have signs warning people that a deaf person lives there or something? Something like that."

"We'll have our lawyers look into it," Ororo said.

"I can't believe the city actually put up a sign on our street telling people that mutants live here," Jean threw up her hands.

"Yeah you would think that the explosions and the occasional giant robot on your front lawn would give people enough of a clue," Todd said sarcastically.

"Life just keeps getting better around here doesn't it?" Alex looked at Scott. "And you want me to live here full time?"

"I know, I know…" Scott groaned. "It's just that I don't get to see you enough as it is."

"It's not all Alex's fault. You know you should have come to the airport and met your brother," Jean told him.

"Well somebody had to stay and watch Gambit's family from stealing us blind," Scott groaned. "Logan was distracted with all the explosions Shipwreck caused putting up the decorations and the eggnog fight."

"Eggnog fight?" Jean looked at him.

"Don't ask," Scott said. "You know between you and me, I have to agree with Remy. I mean I can't understand why the Professor is allowing this."

"Gee, maybe he has an ulterior motive?" Jean asked sarcastically. "Wouldn't be the first time."

"What kind of motive would the Professor have in having the leader of the Thieves' Guild and his family stay here?" Scott asked.

"You're kidding right?" Althea had overheard them. "You really have **no** idea? Hey guys! Scotty here hasn't a clue why Xavier's being all chummy with the head of both the Thieves' Guild and the Assassins' Guild!"

"Oh man," Todd snickered. "Now **that** is funny!"

Everyone in the hall chuckled, even Kurt's parents. "Okay what is so funny?" Scott fumed.

"Scott, even **I **can figure out why the Professor would want to have them as allies," Kurt looked at him.

"Allies?" Scott was shocked. "The X-Men allied with assassins and thieves? I mean **real** assassins and thieves?"

"Normally I'd insert a Misfit joke in there," Ororo said. "But since it's the holidays…"

"Scott it amazes me that in over five years with all the maniacs trying to kill us and the plots going on to take over the planet that you haven't developed an ounce of guile," Althea shook her head. She playfully grabbed the cheeks on his face and shook them. "That is soooooo cute!"

"All right! All right!" Scott backed away. "Cut it out!"

"Let me explain a few things for you," Althea held up her hands. "Both the Thieves Guild and the Assassins Guild are part of a secret network made up of many, **many **agencies connected to or indirectly used by the government. Aside from the usual benefits and freedoms these groups have while fulfilling whatever missions are needed, if something goes wrong, there is nothing that ties them to the government and…"

"Deniability I get that," Scott held up his hand. "So the Professor is using them for contacts?"

"He'd be an idiot if he didn't," Alex admitted.

"Exactly," Althea said.

"See, Summers?" Lance smirked. "Even your own brother gets it."

"And while I don't think the Professor would actually use a gun for hire to kill someone," Althea continued. "I could easily see him hiring the Thieves' Guild to get some information in a less orthodox way if you get my drift."

"And this doesn't bother any of you?" Scott asked.

"Not really," Mr. Wagner shrugged. "I mean compared to Kurt's father…"

"What?" Kurt blinked. "What about my father?"

"Uh, nothing," Mr. Wagner gulped. His wife whacked him on the arm. "Ow!"

"Did you tell them about your real dad being some kind of demon lord?" Todd asked Kurt.

"No," Kurt looked at his parents. "I did not."

"So you know, I mean…" Mr. Wagner began.

"Stephan!" Mrs. Wagner hit him again. "I thought we agreed…"

"Well **I **didn't tell him!" Mr. Wagner snapped.

"You **knew?"** Kurt closed his eyes and massaged the bridge of his nose. "Of course you knew. **Everybody** knew except **me!"**

"I didn't know," Todd said.

"YOU DON'T COUNT!" Kurt snapped at him.

"How did you find out?" Mrs. Wagner asked. "And how much do you know?"

"Well I pretty much pieced it together after Burke tricked me into using one of Forge's inventions to transport him back to his home dimension and become Azazel again," Kurt told them.

"Oh…" Mrs. Wagner blinked.

"Some of Kurt's brothers are here too," Scott told them. "Actually they're off someplace with Illyana doing who knows what…"

"Gobo's not one of them is it?" Mr. Wagner asked.

"YOU KNOW ABOUT THEM TOO?" Kurt yelled.

"Well some of them have…reputations," Mrs. Wagner flinched.

"How did you know about Kurt's dad?" Lance asked.

"We kind of helped him when he first became human," Mrs. Wagner admitted. "Our family has had ties to his dimension for centuries. It's a long story."

"Oh really?" Kurt looked at them. "Excuse me, I have to go to my room and scream into my pillow for the next hour or so." He teleported away.

"Well," Mr. Wagner said after an awkward silence. "That could have gone a lot worse."

"We'd better go talk to him," Mrs. Wagner sighed. "Which way is his room again?"

"I'll show you," Ororo said. The Wagners followed her.

"Looks like the Elf just got a new headache for Christmas," Lance smirked.

"Lance!" Jean warned.

"Well come on, Red," Lance protested. "I mean you gotta admit between him and Rogue he's got more problems with his family than anyone I know!"

"Life does seem to screw with him a lot doesn't it?" Althea remarked.

The gate buzzer rang. "Now what?" Scott asked. He went to answer it. "Yes?"

"Uh, is there a Ms. Jean Grey residing at this residence?" A man's voice asked.

"Do you know she's a mutant?" Todd spoke up.

"Uh, yes."

"Did you see the sign?" Lance called out.

"Yes…"

"Then this is the place," Lance said sarcastically.

"Well I kind of figured that," The man had no clue Lance was being sarcastic. "I was just trying to be polite. My name is Mr. Pendergrass. I represent the late Jeannette Grey's estate. May I come in?"

"Yes," Jean answered. "Come right in." She opened the gates with a button on the control panel. "I wonder what he wants?"

"Hey! Maybe you inherited some cash when the Wicked Witch of the East kicked the bucket?" Todd said.

"Yeah well since this is private…" Scott began.

None of the Misfits took the hint. "Oh go right ahead," Lance waved. "We don't mind."

"Yeah I want to see this too," Alex said.

"Oh let them stay," Jean was resigned to her fate. "They're going to find out about this anyway."

Soon the door was opened to a nervous looking balding man in glasses and a gray suit. He was carrying both a large bag and what looked like a cat carrier. "Ms. Grey?" He asked.

"Yes?" Jean asked. "Mr. Pendergrass? Come in, please."

"Pardon me for intruding, but as the executor of your grandmother's will it is my duty to distribute her possessions according to her wishes," He walked in.

"So she did inherit something! Matzeltov!" Todd congratulated her. "So what'd she get? Gold? Jewels?"

"More likely used Kleenex considering the way she felt about mutants," Lance said.

"I hate to say this Lance but you do have a point," Jean admitted. "The only thing she ever gave me besides her complete and utter contempt was handkerchiefs."

"Really?" Mr. Pendergrass said. "Coincidentally that is part of your inheritance. Here. She wanted you to have these." He took out two boxes of handkerchiefs from the bag and gave it to her.

"Yup that's pretty much par for the course," Jean sighed. "Wait, you said part of my inheritance."

"Yes here is the rest of it," He gave her the carrier. "She willed to you her beloved cat, Prometheus."

"Beloved? She hated that thing," Jean said. "The only reason she kept a cat was that it was something that couldn't talk back to her when she yelled."

"Meow..." Prometheus mewed timidly from it's carrier.

"Just what we need around here," Althea quipped. "Another Kitty."

"Didn't that cat have to go to therapy the last time it was here?" Todd asked.

"Yes," Jean sighed. "It did. Andmy grandmothertried to get me to pay the bill."

Around the corner flew Lockheed and Polly. "Thar she blows!" Polly laughed. They flew straight for the carrier. Lockheed grabbed it in his claws and took off with it with Polly assisting.

"And **that's** the reason why," Lance said.

"MEOWWWWWWWW!"

"Looks like they've made friends again," Lance snickered.

CRASH!

"And they've wrecked another vase," Todd said.

"Was that a…" Mr. Pendergrass looked very nervous.

"Dragon? Yup," Alex said.

"Handkerchiefs and a neurotic cat," Lance said. "Looks like you've hit the jackpot, Red."

"Just what I wanted for Christmas," Jean sighed.

"Uh, there is one other thing…" Mr. Pendergrass gulped. "It seemed there was a slight…mix up with your aunt."

"Mix up?" Jean asked.

"Yes instead of being frozen…She was cremated instead," He handed her an urn from the bag.

"Why are you giving it to **me?"** Jean said as she took the urn.

"Your family requested that you take it," Mr. Pendergrass told her. "They said you would know what to do with it."

"They were wrong," Jean looked at it. "I haven't got a clue what to do with **this!" **

"I know what you could do," Todd piped up. "You could give her a burial at sea. Flush!"

"SHUT UP TOAD!" Jean snapped.

"So much for your grandmother not ruining **this **holiday," Alex said.

BOOOM!

"What was that?" Mr. Pendergrass shouted. "It sounded like an explosion!"

"Odds are it **was** an explosion," Lance said.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Dozens of Jamies ran by nearly knocking Mr. Pendergrass over.

"COME BACK SWEETIE PIE!" Trinity flew by.

"GET 'EM! GET 'EM!" Spyder and Remy's sisters followed them.

"What was **that **about?" Mr. Pendergrass gasped.

"Oh don't mind that," Todd waved. "Happens all the time."

BOOOM!

The chandeliers shook violently. "I suppose **that** happens a lot too?" Mr. Pendergrass asked.

"Yeah but usually Avalanche is the one doing it," Althea said.

"It's probably Forge," Lance told her.

"Well yeah the odds are if it's not you it's him," Todd remarked.

"Avalanche?" Mr. Pendergrass gulped.

"I make earthquakes," Lance said.

BOOOOOOM!

"That was **not **me," Lance told him.

"For once," Scott grumbled.

"Oh yeah like I'm the **only **one who wrecks buildings and walls around here," Lance snapped.

"It could be Boom Boom," Althea thought.

"Boom **Boom?"** Mr. Pendergrass gasped.

"COME BACK HERE BOBBY!" Tabitha was chasing Bobby through the halls. "ICE UP THE GIRL'S BATHROOM AGAIN WILL YA! THIS WILL TEACH YOU!"

She created a large energy bomb just as they rounded a corner. "BOMBS AWAY!" She tossed it at him just as they ran into another room.

BOOOOOOM!

"YEOWWWWWW!"

"Yup, that was Boom Boom," Lance said.

"That doesn't worry you people?" Mr. Pendergrass yelled.

"Of course it does," Scott said. "This is the **fifth** time Bobby's iced up the girls' bathroom! And he still hasn't learned his lesson! Something is seriously wrong with that kid."

"Scott!" Jean snapped.

"This happens all the time?" Mr. Pendergrass yelled.

"Well I wouldn't say **all **the time," Jean tried to cover.

"HELP ME!" Doug was stuck in a huge cheese wheel and rolling around. "Somebody help me!"

"Okay **that's** different," Todd admitted.

"Hang on Doug," Rogue and Belladonna caught up to him. "We'll get you out of there!"

"My sisters?" Althea asked casually.

"How did you ever guess?" Rogue said sarcastically.

"Okay I gotta ask," Alex blinked. "What's with the cheese?"

"It's a family tradition," Belladonna sighed. "Don't ask it's a long story."

"Must be," Todd said. "I mean usually when you think of assassins, cheese doesn't come to mind right away."

"Assassins?" Mr. Pendergrass yelled. "I gotta get out of here…Oh my…"He clutched his chest. "My heart! My…" He gurgled and fell to the ground.

"Call Hank! I think he just had a heart attack!" Scott shouted.

"Maybe that sign isn't such a bad idea," Jean groaned as she went to administer CPR on Mr. Pendergrass.

**Merry Christmas Everyone! Hope you all got better gifts than Jean! **


	5. Even Bad Guys Get The Holiday Blues

**Even Bad Guys Get The Holiday Blues**

"Let me see if I get this straight, Logan," Xavier spoke on the videophone. "Within less than an hour, five people have been sent to the infirmary. Bobby due to the injuries he sustained from Tabitha's wrath, Pietro due to the injuiries he sustained from Tabitha and Wanda's wrath, Shipwreck from falling off the roof…twice, Jean's grandmother's lawyer had a heart attack at the mansion and Douglas…had a **cheese** related injury?"

"I don't get that last one either, Charles," Logan groaned. "I don't know how Trinity and those other girls stuffed him in that cheese…Or why Belladonna had bunch of knives in the cheese in the first place."

"I think I remember Belladonna mentioning something about a family tradition," Xavier sighed.

"Yeah well Time Bomb's idea of getting him out of the cheese certainly was a mistake," Logan said. "That's three people she's injured actually. Not that I blame her for the Popsicle. I mean icing the bathroom **five** times? Something is seriously wrong with that kid. Well I mean besides the injuries he's got."

CRASH!

"MEWOWWWWWWWW!"

"HAHAHAHAHA! DIVE! DIVE!" Polly could be heard screaming.

"Not to mention Jean's new cat is close to having a heart attack itself thanks to the dragon and the parrot!" Logan added.

_"Oh Christmas Tree Oh Christmas Treee!"_ Shipwreck could be heard singing. _"How much booze can I hide under you?"_

"GET BACK INTO BED POP!" Althea shouted.

"I'M FINE I TELL YOU! I ONLY HIT MY HEAD!" Shipwreck snapped.

"IF YOU SNEAK OUT OF BED ONE MORE TIME SO HELP ME..." Althea shouted. The sounds of a fight could be heard.

"OW! OW! OW! PARENT ABUSE! PARENT ABUSE!" Shipwreck could be heard screaming.

"Yes," Xavier winced. "And in addition to all these…mishaps, Illyana has taken off with both Kurt's brothers and Remy's brothers to do lord knows only what kind of mischief to our enemies. To say I am not pleased is an understatement."

"Don't use that tone with me Chuck!" Logan snapped. "I ain't the one who high tailed it outta here to Washington DC at the first sign of trouble!"

"I had to leave to meet with Ms. Cooper for a meeting…"

"Meeting smeeting!" Logan interrupted. "You could have done that on the phone and you know it! This is about that thing you had Gumbo Senior get! Am I right?"

"How did you…?"

"I didn't trust him so I stuck around and overheard you tell him to hide it for a while," Logan explained. "You know the kids have pretty much figured out that you're using both the head honchos of the two guilds for contacts and to get information. The only thing they haven't figured out yet is that you're already getting them to steal stuff for you."

"Technically the object in question wasn't stolen," Xavier said.

"Don't give me that technical crap Charles, you and I both know that if even a traffic cop finds out what you've got hidden in your shoe closet…And why the hell do you even **need** a shoe closet? You don't walk and you're not a woman!"

"Logan…"

"All you need is a pair of black shoes, a pair of brown shoes, sneakers and some slippers! What the hell do you need forty five black shoes for?"

"Can we stop talking about my shoes for a moment and get back on track here?" Xavier sighed. "Logan you need to get things under control."

"What I need is to get a freaking beer!" Logan snapped. "This is why I hate the holidays! All this craziness with these stupid kids I get the other 364 days of the year! I don't need it one more day! If it wasn't for X and the Firecracker I'd be out the door and off to the nearest bar so fast…"

CRASH!

BANG!

POP! POP! POP! POP! POP!

CRASH!

"OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!" Logan roared. "WHO DID WHAT **NOW?"**

"Uh, Mr. Logan…" Daria could be heard saying. "We had a little accident."

"WHAT KIND OF ACCIDENT?" Logan yelled. "WHAT DID YOU LITTLE MANIACS DO NOW?"

"Technically Forge did it," Quinn could be heard. "I told him he put too much juice in his electric ornament sorter."

"Not to mention he shouldn't have had it on that high a setting," Daria added.

"Just tell me what happened in one sentence," Logan rubbed the bridge of his nose.

"Kurt, Scott and Shane are in the infirmary," Brittany said. "I think Kurt broke his tail."

"That's it! I'm off to the bar!" Logan stormed off.

"I'll bet Erik never has days like this," Xavier pinched his nose.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"I hate the holidays…" Magneto grumbled as he worked in his office.

That wasn't completely true. Magneto wasn't opposed to holidays in general. And even though he was committed to the completion of his new space station habitat for mutantkind and the preparation for the dominance of the planet, he understood that not everyone was as tireless as he was. On the contrary, he recognized the importance of a break now and then. This made his workers and followers rest a moment and regain their zeal towards completing their goal.

It was just the fact that he had to spend these breaks with total idiots that irked him.

"Father?" Lorna walked into the study. "Are you coming out?"

"Not until that idiot Pyro stops that infernal fire chorus from singing that wretched parody of Winter Wonderland," Magneto snarled.

He could hear the strains of the song through the door. _"Later on, if you wanna, we can dress like Madonna! Put on some eye shade and join the parade…Walkin' round in women's underwear!" _

"Bob Rivers has much to answer for," Magneto's eye twitched.

"Boss," Sabertooth walked in. He had a confused look on his face. "Something's wrong with Solitaire. He's acting kind of psycho. And not in the good way."

"What are you babbling about now?" Magneto walked out of his office. "Oh good lord…"

It wasn't the sight of charred walls and singed furniture that shocked him. It was the sight of nearly every one of his loyal Acolytes seemed to have been mauled in some way. "What the devil happened to all of you?" He bellowed.

"Solitaire," Amelia Voight groaned. "He's been hugging people all afternoon!"

"Hugging people?" Magneto blinked.

"Apparently he forgot that his fingernails are like claws and they are very, very sharp…" Mastermind moaned. "He got all of us. Well except Pyro and Cortez."

"Why not those two?" Lorna asked.

"Because Pyro's little Fire-Lulia Chorus was attacking Cortez at the time," Mastermind explained.

"So I got a little out of hand," Pyro shrugged.

"YOU SET ME ON FIRE!" Cortez shouted. His entire body was covered in soot. "I HAVE NO EYEBROWS ANYMORE!"

"You also don't have a room either," Pyro said. Everyone looked at him. "What? My group needed a place to practice!"

JINGLE! JINGLE! JINGLE!

Solitaire ran in wearing bells around his neck and having a very strange wild look in his eyes. "Fun, fun, fun…" He said in a high voice.

"Solitaire! Explain yourself! What happened to you?" Magneto made his most menacing growl. This just made Solitaire pitch a high giggle fit.

"I'll give you a clue what happened," Sabertooth pointed his thumb at the guilty party. "It starts with a **Py** and ends with a **Ro!"**

"Of course it did…" Magneto winced.

"Why are his eyes spinning like that?" Mastermind asked. He glared at Pyro. "What did you **do** to him?"

"Nothing! All I did was give the bloke some chocolate chip cookies!" Pyro protested.

"What was in them?" Sabertooth asked.

"Chocolate chips I'm guessing," Pyro said. "I mean he only had about a dozen or so of them!"

"Sir…" Winters, Magneto's butler staggered in. His clothes were shredded and he was covered in mistletoe. "I recall from our files something about chocolate chip cookies having an adverse affect on the mutant Xi of the Misfits. Apparently something in their chemical composition reacts to his biological chemistry causing him to become, shall we say…intoxicated."

"Friends, I have friends, friends, friends…" Solitaire giggled.

"Shall we say completely bonkers instead?" Sabertooth growled.

"FRIEND! FRIEND!" Solitaire squealed as he pounced on Sabertooth.

"GET OFF ME YOU NUTCASE!" Sabertooth tried to remove the intoxicated mutant from his back.

"Yeah we're all friends!" Pyro shouted. "Let's sing a friendship song!" He conjured up a flame chorus again. "Hit it guys!"

"Not again…" Cortez coughed up another smoke ball.

_"We wish you a firey Christmas! We wish you a firey Christmas!"_ The fire chorus sang. "_We wish you a firery Christmas...Let's burn things to the ground!"_

"There goes another wall," Mastermind sighed. "And another chair, another desk, another..."

"I think I've just figured out what my New Year's Resolution is going to be," Magneto groaned. "To get rid of Pyro!"

**Next: What happens when you send mutants, demons and thieves out 'caroling'? You got it. Insanity. Total insanity. And plenty of fun villain bashing! **


	6. Here We Go A Caroling Again

**Here We Go A Caroling Again**

"Well the good news is that Mr. Pendergrass came out of surgery fine," Lina told Angelica, Rogue, Wanda, Alex, Althea, Todd and Tabitha in the kitchen. "He just had a mild blockage in his arteries."

"And you, Jean and Mr. McCoy were able to fix it?" Rogue asked. "I mean, I get that you're a medic in training and Jean's taking some pre-med courses but I didn't know Beast could operate on people."

"Neither did he," Lina sat down. "Of course we did have Lifeline talk us through it via a medical videophone. He's busy with a medical conference in Nevada but he should be back by tomorrow."

"Good. Maybe he could patch up everybody in time for Christmas?" Angelica thought.

"That's just what we need," Low Light walked in for a cup of coffee. "Everybody in tip top shape for blowing things up."

"And speaking of blowing things up…" Althea pointed to the television. "I think our wandering minstrels made the news again."

"What have they done this year?" Rogue sighed.

"A mysterious two alarm fire broke out at the New York headquarters of the Friends of Humanity building early last night," Trish Tilby reported. Scenes of fire, trashed vehicles covered with toilet paper and the words FOH SUCKS TINSEL were seen. "Although there were no serious injuries, several members of the FOH were taken the Bellevue for a mental health screening. They were in various states of undress, covered with whipped cream and crushed candy canes and babbling something about Satan and the fires of Hell. Many vehicles were wrecked and vandalized outside the building as well."

"This will not go well with their insurance agents," Tabitha mocked.

"Sources blame the Friends of Mutant Kind but some say actual mutants were responsible," Trish spoke. "In a statement the Friends of Mutant Kind denied any involvement in the fire but said and I quote 'Whoever did it, they'd love to buy them a drink.'"

"Better not tell Shipwreck that," Low Light remarked. "He'd want to horn in on the demon's action."

"On a related note," Trish continued. "The Reverend William Stryker was reported to have attempted to escape from jail today. A plot to escape from prison involving ten gallons of cranberry sauce and a stocking full of coal was uncovered by the guards and was foiled. The attorneys for Reverend Stryker are saying that he was not trying to escape but was framed…By a group of mutants and demons singing 'Eggheads We Will Hurl From On High'. Isn't that supposed to be Angels We Have Heard on High?"

"They're getting very creative," Lina blinked. "I mean you have to admit that."

"Wait until Kitty hears about this," Althea remarked. "That'll make her day."

"Uh…" Wanda pointed to the television. "Maybe not."

"This just in," Trish read from a paper handed to her. "A member of the X-Men, Kitty Pryde has just been arrested with her parents, famed mutant Video DJ Jesse D and the uncle of another X-Man, Mr. Donald Ramsey…. Who is the lover of Ms. Pryde's father. Okay…. Apparently they caused a disturbance in a Chinese restaurant. Mrs. Pryde, who as you know is the lover of Jesse D reportedly attacked Mr. Ramsey by throwing a platter of General Tso's Chicken at his head."

"You know it's no wonder Kitty can't sort out her own love life," Wanda groaned. "Her family relationships are as stable as Jell-O in a blender."

"Whose turn is it this time?" Rogue sighed.

"I'll do it," Low Light sighed as he left. "It'll be my gift to you guys this year. And to think I thought I could get away without buying anything…"

"I tell you it's never boring around here," Alex remarked.

"Especially with a bunch of demons, thieves and a powerful teenage mutant sorceress ruler running amok," Wanda sighed. "How much you wanna bet Remy's brothers robbed the FOH blind?"

"That would be a sucker bet," Todd admitted.

"I wonder where they are now?" Angelica asked aloud.

"I wonder when people are going to stop asking stupid questions like that," Rogue sighed.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

_"We Three Kings of Orient Are! Tried to smoke a rubber cigar…" _S'ym, Benos, Stephan and Maxx sang loudly.

"GET AWAY! GET AWAY!" Graydon Creed hopped like mad around the room in the psychiatric ward. Being restrained by a straightjacket didn't slow him down as the demons chased him.

"Don't you enjoy visiting the less fortunate?" Illyana grinned as she watched the action through the viewing slot in the next room. "And making them more miserable?

"Not as much as making a profit off of them," Gustave grinned as he videotaped the events. "This gonna fetch a cool million easy in the black market."

"Where are your brothers?" Peter asked.

"Hitting on the nurses downstairs, where else?" Gustave said.

"You know at first I had a hard time believing you were all related to Gambit," Peter groaned. "Now I see the family resemblance."

"OH GOD NO GET OFF ME! OWWWWWW!" Creed screamed.

"NOOGIE TIME!" S'ym laughed maniacally.

"And I thought we scarred him for life last year," Illyana remarked. "I think we topped ourselves."

"That man may never leave a padded cell," Peter sighed.

"And that's a **bad thing?"** Illyana looked at him.

"You have a point," Peter shrugged. "Can we go home now?"

"No, we have one more stop," Illyana grinned.

"And I have a bad feeling where we are going," Peter sighed.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"I knew it," Peter slumped in the chair. "I knew we were going to end up here."

"AAAAAHHHH!" Senator Kelly ran by in his pajamas. "STOP CALLING ME SCROOGE!"

"WHOOP! WHOOP! WHOOP!" The demons ran behind Kelly laughing.

"Hey, the senator has some nice clothes," Alphonse remarked as he rummaged through Senator Kelly's things.

"You know I'll bet there are plenty of victims of Hurricane Katrina that could use a pair of pants like these," Gustave admired them.

"There is a slight chance that someone from the police will come and see all this," Peter said.

"Relax brother," Illyana waved as she practiced whacking her sword against Kelly's furniture. "I have kept tabs on this world through my crystal ball. Kelly has too much of a reputation of being a drunkard on the holidays for anyone to take him seriously."

"A reputation we created," Peter said. "Well the Brotherhood did most of the ground work technically."

"I HATE MUTANTS! I HATE ALL MUTANTS EVERYWHERE!" Kelly screamed. "AND STOP PELTING ME WITH SNOWBALLS!"

"I guess everyone has some redeeming features," Peter grinned for a moment. Then his face became serious. "But I still think stealing his clothes and wealth is going too far."

"Oh really?" Alphonse asked. "Wasn't the senator on a FEMA committee not so long ago?"

"And didn't he just approve a raise for himself and other members of the Senate?" Henri asked.

"And I believe he once called your on and off again girlfriend a slut in one of his speeches in the Senate," Illyana said.

"Don't forget the underwear," Peter told them.

**Next: More gifts are given, more people show up, more holiday insanity unfolds and finally the semblance of some sort of plot begins. I think. Maybe. Or something else happens first. Come on people you knew I had no clue what I was doing when you started reading this.**


	7. Should Old Insanity Be Forgot

**Should Old Insanity Be Forgot**

Mr. Pendergrass groggily came too. "Oooh, what happened? Where am I?"

"Hello," Hank grinned at his patient.

"AAAHHH!" Mr. Pendergrass startled.

"Please relax, Mr. Pendergrass," Hank put his hand on his shoulder. "You've just had a mild heart attack. You shouldn't excite yourself."

"AAAAAAAHHHHH!" Mr. Pendergrass screamed.

"Beast you might want to consider backing up a bit," Pietro called out from his hospital bed. "Unless you want him to go into cardiac arrest again." He had a bandage on his hand and his leg was in a sling.

"Sorry, I forgot," Hank apologized.

"What happened to me?" Mr. Pendergrass groaned.

"You had a heart attack," Scott told him. He was in the next bed. "Beast operated on you."

"He **what?** **Here?"** Mr. Pendergrass yelled.

"It was the fastest way to save you," Hank shrugged. "You came out of surgery with flying colors. You're in our medical ward."

Mr. Pendergrass looked around and saw Scott, Pietro, Bobby, Kurt, Doug and Shane all bandaged up in nearby beds. "Everyone say hi to our new room mate," Pietro said sarcastically.

"Hello!" Kurt moaned. He was lying on is stomach and his tail was in a sling. "I'd wave but my arms hurt."

"More from his Mom kissing his boo boos," Todd snickered as he, Lance, and Fred walked into the room.

"Don't tire them out," Hank warned as he went out of the room. "Behave yourselves! I have to update my medical files and try to find out where Shipwreck ran off to this time. So please don't do anything to upset any of my patients!"

"It's a bit late for that!" Mr. Pendergrass snapped.

"Amen to that brother," Shane groaned. Both his arms and his leg were bandaged. "All these years, all these gunfights and knife fights I've survived without a scratch! I was even nearly run over by a bus…And **how** do I get it? **What** finally does me in? Two dozen exploding pink and blue light bulbs!"

"Not that I really care why you're here, because I don't," Scott moaned. "But why are you guys visiting us?"

"Now is that any way to talk to your friends?" Fred tisked.

"Since **when** are you guys our friends?" Bobby asked. He was in a neck brace and his leg was bandaged up.

"That's just the lack of painkillers talking," Fred waived.

"There aren't enough painkillers in the **world **to relieve us from the pain in the butt you people cause," Scott told them.

"We thought we'd visit you guys while you were laid up and can't fight back," Todd remarked. "I mean to bring you some Christmas cheer." He made a big smile.

"This does not bode well does it?" Kurt groaned.

"Oh god…" Mr. Pendergrass moaned. "I hate my life! This is the worst year of my life! I was passed over for partnership at my firm. The IRS audited me. A shopping cart crashed into my car door and it cost me thousands of dollars to fix it. Then I blew out a tire on the highway in the middle of the pouring rain. I catch pneumonia and had to stay in the hospital for a week. Then my wife ran off with my golf pro."

"That's awful," Pietro said.

"Tell me about it," Mr. Pendergrass groaned. "And just when I was improving my slice too!"

"You think **you** had a bad year?" Doug looked at him. "I find out my old school was run by an evil organization determined to rule the world and I helped work on a weapon for them. They tried to kill me, my home burns down twice, switched my body with a teacher for a night, nearly got eaten by demons in a dimension filled with fire, nearly got killed in **another** dimension by an evil psychic force, got involved in a drunken bar fight with my teachers and some insane gods and on top of it all I have this one zit on my back that just won't go away!"

"Okay that's bad…" Mr. Pendergrass blinked.

"Well I've got an evil dad who wants to take over the world," Pietro said.

"Oh **please**," Shane waved. "For years I've survived practically on my own and ran my own gang in LA. Now what happens? I meet a girl and the next thing I know, I end up in a weird mutant soap opera with the Chinese mob and her assassin aunt. Then I'm caught by the cops after tripping over a stupid dog and it's either go to jail or join a military unit made up of mutant lunatics. Boy did I make the wrong choice!"

"That's **all?** HA!" Scott scoffed. "This year **alone** I've had my body swapped with my girlfriend **and **my worst rival, been split into several different personalities for a day, nearly raped by one of the split personalities of Professor X's evil son, nearly eaten by vampires, met my out of control teenage daughter from a possible alternate timeline, fought off dozens of ninjas and mercenaries that wanted to kill me…"

"Who **doesn't **want to kill you?" Lance snickered.

Scott glared at him and continued. "Let's not also forget nearly being killed by the Hellfire Club and Cobra, Jean being fused to an all powerful cosmic force that nearly killed us and to top it off a dead emu fell on my car, which was also trashed six times this year!"

"Are you finished?" Kurt gave him a look. "You wanna talk **real** pain? Please! I wrote the freaking **encyclopedia **of pain!"

"Why? What happened with you?" Mr. Pendergrass asked.

"You **had **to ask that, didn't you?" Lance groaned. "**Look** at him, Mac! He's practically a walking advertisement for What Not To Look Like!"

"In addition to running from my life and all the other insane events you have just heard," Kurt began. "I learned my entire family tree. My mother is an evil shape-shifting terrorist, my father is an evil demon from another dimension that was trapped in human form and pretended to be a British spy. Surprise! Guess who unwittingly helped him turn back into a demon?"

"On top of it all he's got one half sister who was the product of an experiment with Magneto," Lance added. "Another half brother whose the founder of the FOH a bazillion other half brothers and sisters that are demons."

"Don't forget your other baby brother," Bobby said. "The one you had to give up so the ninjas wouldn't kill him."

"Ninjas?" Shane asked.

"Before you got here," Lance explained. "I'll tell you later."

"And what's **your **story?" Mr. Pendergrass looked at Bobby.

"My parents who dumped me sold my life story to make a Lifetime movie," Bobby said.

"You win," Doug admitted.

"Plus one of my worst enemies, Pyro, thinks I'm gay and I have the hots for him!" Bobby added.

"I wouldn't call Pyro one of your **worst **enemies," Kurt said.

"Yeah aren't you being a little over dramatic?" Scott asked. "I mean, you two hardly even spoke to each other."

"We have fought each other you know?" Bobby snapped.

"Only a couple of times," Pietro pointed out. "I mean come on, it's not like you guys are Lance and Summers."

"Yeah," Both Lance and Scott said.

"You guys aren't even Toad and me," Kurt remarked.

"Yeah you're like…" Todd scratched his head. "You know that dog that once walked by the Institute gates and Lockheed snapped at him? You're like that."

"Which one of us is the dog and which one of us is Lockheed?" Bobby asked.

"Well Pyro is Lockheed, duh," Todd said.

"Why is **he** Lockheed and I'm **not?"** Bobby yelled.

"Because Lockheed breathes **fire**," Pietro looked at Bobby.

"Yeah Iceman get with the program," Shane said.

"Oh I am so **not** the dog!" Bobby yelled. "Scott, Kurt you guys don't believe that do you?"

"Well…" Scott thought a minute. "You gotta admit that like Pyro, Lockheed does go kind of nuts every now and then."

"Yeah why wouldn't you want to be the dog?" Kurt asked. "The dog is saner than Lockheed. Well at least it was before that darn dragon chased him halfway down the street into that ice cream truck."

"Oh yeah," Bobby thought. "I'd forgotten about that. Now that I think about it the dog does make more sense."

"Well I'm glad **something **does around here," Mr. Pendergrass moaned.

Just then Hank walked in with Lifeline. "Merry Christmas Everyone," Lifeline grinned.

"Thank god! This cast is really starting to itch!" Pietro strained against his bonds.

"Why? What does he do? Is he a mutant too?" Mr. Pendergrass asked.

"No, but he does have healing abilities," Scott explained. "He's an Esper."

"A what?" Mr. Pendergrass blinked.

"That's a human who has special psychic abilities that are not linked to an X-Gene," Hank explained. "Commonly mistaken or referred to as magic."

"Oh…" Mr. Pendergrass blinked. "Ohhhh!" He felt better as Lifeline started to use his abilities on him. "That feels good!"

"It won't completely remove all the damage done but it will speed up your recovery," Lifeline explained. Soon all the mutants were healed as well and their bandages removed.

"That feels so much better," Pietro flexed his arms. "I'm my wonderful handsome self again!" He jumped around the room and ran around causing a small gust of wind.

"Too bad you didn't get rid of **all **the pain, Lifeline," Scott groaned.

"Aww, I guess it's too late to give you this," Todd took out a small strange looking dark blue device from his pockets.

"Okay what is **this?"** Doug asked.

"I dunno," Todd said. "But I found it in Professor X's shoe closet. You wouldn't believe how many shoes that guy has. It's like forty of 'em."

"Why would a guy in a wheelchair need so many shoes?" Lance asked.

"That's not the point Lance!" Scott snapped. "He's not supposed to be in there!"

"Well neither was Remy's dad but he was in there too," Todd said. "I think he put it in there."

"What?" Scott yelled. "Give me that!" He reached out to grab it.

"NO!" Todd clung to it. "It's mine! Or at least it was gonna be yours before you got better!"

"Let him have it, Jerk Off!" Shane snapped at Scott. He tried to help Todd yank it away from Scott.

"Oh no you don't you Rapper Reject!" Bobby leapt to Scott's defense.

"You might want to move back Mister Lawyer," Fred gently guided Mr. Pendergrass away. "This could get real ugly real fast."

By now both Kurt and Lance had joined in the tug of war, each on the respective side. "GIVE IT! NO, YOU GIVE IT! HANDS OFF!"

"Boys! Boys! Stop it!" Lifeline shouted. He tried to pull the boys apart. "No violence on Christmas!"

"Oh boy! I love tug of war!" Pietro joined in the mad grab.

"Doug! Come on and help us man!" Bobby yelled.

"Do I have too?" Doug moaned as he reluctantly went to help. "I just got out of a cast for crying out loud!"

"Just do it!" Scott ordered.

"I don't know why you dragged me out of the bar…" Logan grumbled as Roadblock pulled on his arm. Hank and Jean were with them.

"Because it's clear we need you here!" Roadblock said. Then he saw the mess. "Oh great! **Now **what's going on?"

"They're fighting again," Fred told them.

"We can see that Blob!" Logan snapped. "WILL YOU MANIACS…"

BLAST!

A huge purple glow enveloped all those surrounding the device. It made a huge rumble that shook the entire mansion. All the mutants in the house and almost everyone in it ran down to see the commotion just in time to see the enveloping glow make them disappear.

"TODD!" Althea shouted.

"They're gone!" Wanda shouted.

"Holy smokes," Fred whistled. He looked at a shocked Mr. Pendergrass. "Now are you glad you listened to me?"

"Ohhhhh!" Mr. Pendergrass passed out again.

"What the heck was that?" Roberto asked.

"Maybe it was a teleportation device?" Fred asked. "Whatever it was."

"No, ya think?" Ray asked sarcastically.

"Where did they get it?" Logan asked.

"Toad said that he saw Remy's dad put it in Xavier's shoe closet," Fred told him.

"Why is Remy not surprised Jean Luc is behind this?" Remy groaned.

"But where did they go?" Jean blinked.

"Maybe they went to Atlantic City with my Pop?" Althea thought aloud.

"Atlantic City?" Logan looked at her. "Who else went?"

"To AC?" Althea asked.

"No to Ft. Lauderdale for Spring Break!" Logan roared. "Of course I meant Atlantic City!"

"Well," Fred thought. "There's Shipwreck of course, Kurt's parents…The Wagners I mean. Not Mystique and Azazel. Well they probably could have gone but not that I know off…"

"We got that Blob!" Logan snapped. "Who else?"

"The Blind Master, Spirit, Cover Girl," Fred counted on his fingers.

"No surprises there," Hank remarked.

"Angel," Fred continued.

"Angel?" Hank asked.

"He was really depressed about his dad," Fred explained. "I think Shipwreck talked him into going."

"Of course he did," Logan sighed.

"Trinity, Spyder…Gambit's sisters…" Fred thought. "Remy's Dad…"

"Oh no…" Remy groaned. "Gambit think they gonna try to steal from the Casinos there again!"

"AGAIN?" Logan looked at him. "I LEFT THE BAR FOR **THIS?"**

"Yeah!" Belladonna snapped. "Atlantic City is my beat! He's only supposed to steal from Vegas! I mean…That's a shame."

"I'm not even gonna ask…" Logan grumbled.

"In other words we have one group of maniacs causing damage in Atlantic City and another group of maniacs about to cause trouble who knows where," Althea sighed.

"I think I might know where," Forge thought. "Al, can I see your teleportation watch for a minute?"

"Sure," Althea gave it to him. "You're going to use the homing device we have right?"

"Actually I just wanted to see what color it was but that's a good idea," Forge began to investigate.

"Okay let's think up a plan," Logan took a deep breath. "Obviously we need a group to head out to Atlantic City and retrieve the lunatics. Cajun, since your family is so involved you go."

"Figures," Remy sighed.

"Wavedancer…" Logan began.

"Forget it!" Althea folded her arms. "Dad's a lost cause. My Toddles needs me more!"

"Fine!" Logan threw up his hands. "Going to Atlantic City are Gambit, Rogue, Belladonna, Psylocke, Storm…"

"ME?" Ororo protested. "WHY DO I HAVE TO GO?"

"Because you can zap the sailor," Logan said matter of factly. "Beast, Roadblock you go too."

"I'll take Jean, Angelica, Xi, Arcade, Rina, Jubilee, Wanda and Forge," Althea said.

"I'll come with you," Logan said. "Between X's and my noses, Jean's telepathy and Forge's gadget talents we should track them down in no time."

"What about us?" Fred asked.

"The rest of you stay here in case of emergency," Logan ordered. "Which is probably going to happen."

"Gee left behind again," Jesse sighed. "What a surprise."

"Somebody's gotta look after the babies," Rogue pointed out as the Atlantic City group prepared to leave.

"That's even better," Roberto groaned.

"I've got a signal," Forge said. "I know where they are!"

"Where?" Logan asked.

"Outer Space," Forge blinked.

"I'm going with the Atlantic City group and find a bar…" Logan turned around.

**What happens next? Besides pointless insanity of course. Find out! **


	8. Definitely Not A Winter Wonderland

**Definitely Not A Winter Wonderland**

Somewhere in the solar system, just beyond Mars.

"This better be good Skratt," The Snark Commander snarled at his son. The lizard like alien flexed his claws. "And not another failure like the last five times!"

"Father I know I've made some mistakes in the past," Skratt, a smaller lizard like alien in a brown and black uniform gulped.

"SOME MISTAKES?" The Snark Commander snarled. "Because of you, our main ship blew up, our lifeboats didn't have enough power to reach our home world and we're stuck here in this goddess forsaken solar system! You're just lucky we were able to salvage this old Shi'ar spaceship to live on! Otherwise you would have been jettisoned with all the other dead weight!"

"It hasn't been all bad," Skratt gulped. "We did manage to get the short range transporter fixed."

"Yes so we can go to Earth once every three weeks!" The Snark Commander snapped. "BIG HELP SKRATT!"

"But I think I've found something to help us! Behold!" He pulled a tarpin off a strange device. It was an robot that looked like a metal version of Santa with sharp teeth, pointy beard and a mace on the end of its hat.

"What in the name of the Great Egg is **this** monstrosity?" The Snark Commander blinked.

"This is a replica of a mythical earth creature called a San-ta," Skratt showed him. "Apparently it leaves presents for children one night of the year by climbing down heating vents and leaving them under dead plants."

"You're kidding me?" The Snark Commander looked at his son.

"No I researched it," Skratt told him. "Well the dead plants are decorated but you get the idea."

"Let me see if I get this straight," The Snark Commander rubbed the bridge of his snout. "Humans believe that this fat…thing slides down their heating systems in order to leave presents under decorated dead trees?"

"Yes sir," A Snark Underling nodded. "We verified it ourselves."

"Really? Earthlings are without a doubt the weirdest creatures in the universe," The Snark Commander grumbled. "Enlighten me Skratt, just how is…**this,** supposed to help us?"

"I have a cunning plan, Father," Skratt grinned.

"Where have I heard **that **before?" The Snark Commander rolled his eyes.

"I have made a small army of these Santa Drones using spare parts from our old ship, ores from the surrounding asteroids, materials from our secret raiding parties on Earth and whatever I could scrap from the kitchen," Skratt told him. "Using these drones I will have them infiltrate several homes of top Earth officials by blasting open the heating vents…"

"I think I see where this is going," The Snark Commander interrupted. "And I have also just figured out where all our spoons went."

"I only had the resources to create about a thousand of them," Skratt continued.

"And our melon ballers..." The Snark Commander groaned.

"Somebody has **way** too much time on his hands," One Snark soldier whispered to another.

"I HEARD THAT!" Skratt glared at the soldier.

"Good! Because it's **true!"** The Snark Commander whacked him on the head. "Skratt, we are trapped in this solar system unable to return to our home world. What makes you think for a moment that I would even consider such a stupid, idiotic…"

Just then Lifeline, Todd and the other mutants that were holding onto the device appeared amidst a purple glow. "GIVE IT BACK! GIVE IT…." Scott shouted. The clacking of weapons stopped him. "Back?"

They all looked at the hostile aliens surrounding them. "Well, now we know what this thing is," Pietro gulped.

"Oh dear," Lifeline blinked.

"Uh oh…" Todd gulped. "I think we pushed the wrong button."

"**We** pushed the wrong button?" Kurt snapped.

"GET THEM!" The Snark Commander screamed at the top of his lungs.

"RUN FOR IT!" Lance shouted. Lifeline and the mutants ran away from the laser fire. Scott and Shane used their powers to blast the Snarks in their way. Bobby froze as many as he could. Todd slimed several of them. Lance used his powers to shake the spaceship.

"What are those things?" Scott yelled as they ran for their lives.

"I think they're aliens," Kurt remarked.

"No, really? ya think?" Doug snapped. "I HATE MY LIFE!"

"I did not sign up for this!" Shane shouted as he blasted some Snarks. "Beat it you overgrown handbags!"

"Great, we get to fight the Snarks again!" Lance groaned.

"Snarks?" Bobby asked as he froze a few more Snarks.

"We tangled with them when we met up with the Power Pack," Lance explained.

"Oh yeah, I remember you telling us about that," Scott said. A laser blast narrowly missed him. "YIKES!"

"GET THEM! GET THEM!" The Snark Commander jumped up and down as his soldiers attacked. "I RECOGNIZE SOME OF THOSE HUMANS! THEY'RE THE ONES THAT BLEW UP OUR SHIP!"

"Oh Grix, either **I **blew up the ship or **they** did," Skratt swore. "Make up your mind."

"SHUT UP!" The Snark Commander shouted at him.

BLAM! BLAM!

POW!

ZAPP!

RUMMMMBLE!

"Not again!" The Snark Commander shouted as his ship shook. "That one that makes earthquakes is back!"

"AAAHAHAAAAHHH! MY EYES! HE SLIMED ME!" One Snark ran around with goop on his eyes.

"And so is the one with the slime," Skratt blinked. "Wasn't he really the one that blew up the ship in the first place?"

"SOMEBODY JUST KILL THEM BEFORE THE ENTIRE SHIP GETS BLOWN UP AGAIN!" The Snark Commander snapped.

"X-Men! Move out!" Scott shouted.

"We're not all X-Men you know?" Lance snapped.

"Just shut up and fight!" Scott blasted away

"Here's a thought," Lifeline shouted. "Instead of fighting, why don't we just use the device to teleport out of here?"

"I second that!" Doug screamed like a girl.

Kurt teleported around, kicking and knocking down Snarks. "Ya! Let's do it!"

"Who has the device?" Lance looked around.

"I DO!" Todd waved it. "GRAB ON!" Everyone did so. They teleported away.

"They did it again…" The Snark Commander's eye twitched. "Those human freaks did it again! They wrecked my ship! THEY WILL PAY!"

"But Father," Skratt gulped. "What about my subtle cunning plan?"

"SCREW THE SUBTLE PLAN!" The Snark Commander yelled. "I WANT PAYBACK! SKRATT! READY YOUR TROOPS! WE'RE OFF TO INVADE THE EARTH! STARTING WITH THE HOME CITY OF THOSE…THOSE…"

"Interfering fools Sir?" A Snark underling suggested.

"I was going for something a bit more colorful but that will do," The Snark Commander said. He punched up the information on the computer. "X-Men eh? From the City of Bayville? GOOD! PREPARE THE SANTA SQUAD FOR THE INVASION OF BAYVILLE!"


	9. Jingle Jingle Jingle

**Jingle, Jingle, Jingle**

"Well there's **another** place I can never go back to!" Kitty fumed as she and her family returned with Low Light to the Xavier Institute. "I can't take you people anywhere can I? We're just lucky the restaurant decided not to press charges!"

"Honey it's not our fault your mother has the personality of a rabid wombat," Donald told her.

"You want another hit on the head?" Mrs. Pryde made a fist.

"For crying out loud Mom for once can't you…?" Kitty wailed.

"Kitty it's not her fault that Donald is a moron with a big mouth," Jesse D told her.

"Oh look who's talking!" Mr. Pryde snapped. "Mr. Phi Beta Kappa from the College of Clowning!"

"You have no right to be jealous of us!" Jesse D snapped. "**You **are the one who left **her,** for **that!"** He pointed at Donald.

"You want me to slap you?" Donald bristled. "I'll do it this time! I swear it!"

"Now I understand why you have such trouble with your boyfriends," Low Light said to Kitty.

"Now you understand why I want to spend my next Hanukah **alone!"** Kitty groaned. "Eight nights of **this?"**

FOOM! FOOM!

SPLAT!

"Then again, compared to eight nights of that..." Kitty blinked.

"What was **that?"** Low Light asked. "As if I want to know."

"Are they flinging fruitcakes from catapults again?" Mrs. Pryde asked. "Because if they are…" She glared at Donald.

"Don't start with me or I'll scratch your eyes out!" Donald fumed.

"COOL IT, BOTH OF YOU!" Kitty roared.

"Oh man that's the best one yet," Ray was laughing. Fred, Tim and Dead Girl were with them.

"Yeah I think that fruitcake flew straight over…Oh hi guys," Fred waved to the others. "How was jail?"

"Apparently a lot more peaceful than here," Mr. Pryde groaned.

"Where is everyone?" Low Light asked.

"MEOWWWWWW!" Prometheus ran like a shot past Low Light and into the Christmas tree.

"And why is that stupid cat back here again?" Low Light yelled.

"Well," Ray sighed. "Jean's grandmother left her the cat and a bunch of handkerchiefs. The lawyer who brought it had a heart attack as soon as he saw Tabitha beat up Bobby. He's kind of locked himself in our bathroom now. Toad found some device in Xavier's shoe closet that sent a bunch of the guys who were in the infirmary to somewhere in outer space. While some people went to rescue them, the rest of the gang went to Atlantic City to bring back Shipwreck and the others who ran off there. And Colossus, his sister, her demon and Kurt's demon brothers are off caroling somewhere. Remy's brothers followed them to do some stealing. The rest of us got bored so we decided on a fruitcake catapult contest. And that's pretty much it."

"I'm sorry I asked," Low Light groaned.

"And you say you can't turn your backs on **us** without something going wrong?" Donald looked at Kitty.

The phone rang. "I'll get it!" Fred went to answer it. "Yellow! Xavier Institute for the Sanity Challenged. How may I…Oh! Oh! Uh, yeah. Uh maybe…" He looked at the others. "Uh, I gotta take this. Private…" He went to go into the other room.

Unfortunately for him the phone wasn't cordless. "Oops," Fred gulped as he looked at the hole in the wall he accidentally created when he pulled on the phone. "My bad."

"I wonder how Atlantic City is this time of year?" Low Light groaned.

"I wonder how Outer Space is this time of year?" Kitty commiserated.

"Rar! Rar!" Penny bounded up to them.

"Oh what a cute little pink…OW!" Donald yelled as he accidentally touched her hair. "OH MY GOD I'M BLEEDING!"

"It's just a scratch you twit," Mrs. Pryde glared at him.

"Yeah Penny's hair is kind of sharp," Dead Girl said.

"Information that would have been useful about **two seconds** ago!" Donald yelled. "Oh god why is she yanking on my pants!"

"Maybe she wants to add them to her collection?" Dead Girl shrugged.

"She's been hanging around Trinity hasn't she?" Jesse D asked Kitty.

"Odds are yes," Kitty answered.

"What is it girl?" Low Light asked. "You got something to show us? Great now I'm stuck in a Lassie rerun!"

"Let's follow her!" Tim suggested. They left Fred with the phone and followed her to Jubilee's room. Cautiously they went in. Penny scratched at the door. Low Light opened it.

"Jubilee I said I'd finish the potholders when…" Aunt Hope looked up. "Oh…Hello. I can explain…"

"I'll bet," Kitty blinked.

"Thanks a lot you little snitch," Hope grumbled at Penny.

"Well this is a new development," Low Light remarked.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Meanwhile in Atlantic City…

"When Remy gets his hands on those little…" Remy grumbled as Rogue, Betsy and Belladonna followed him around the casino. "Remy don't know who to kill. His father, his brothers or his sisters!"

"Calm down Gambit," Rogue reassured him. "We'll find them."

"But they could be anywhere," Belladonna said.

"All we have to do is look for chaos and insanity and someone will be there," Rogue said. "I guarantee it."

"Hey look at this picture," Betsy pointed to a photo on a wall near one of the ballrooms.

"It's a photo of a bride and groom," Remy said. "They must be having the reception here. So what?"

"Take a good look at who the groom is," Betsy pointed.

"No freaking way…." Rogue's jaw dropped. "Duncan Matthews!"

"Our Duncan Donuts Matthews?" Remy asked. "Jean's ex-boyfriend Duncan Matthews?"

"The very same," Betsy said. "Good thing she didn't come on this trip!"

"Yeah how old is he anyway?" Remy thought aloud.

"I heard he stayed back a year and he was a year older than Jean in High School," Rogue said. "Must be twenty by now. Wait until she hears about this. She is gonna freak."

"Or throw a huge party in order to celebrate not being tied town to that baboon," Betsy said.

"I remember reading about this in the newspaper," Belladonna said. "Your friend Duncan Matthews is getting married today right here. It was in the society columns."

"Why you read the society columns?" Rogue asked. "Oh wait in order to…"

"Know when to steal rich people's stuff when they're not home," Belladonna and Remy said at the same time.

"Remy'd forgotten about that," Remy groaned.

"Wait, Duncan Matthews getting married in Atlantic City?" Rogue asked. "I thought he was smart enough to know that it's Vegas you get the quickie marriages?"

"Now you know that **he **didn't know," Remy shrugged. "And knowing is…Oh lord Remy's been hanging around GI Joe too long!"

"So who's the pathetic sod that agreed to marry the other pathetic sod?" Betsy asked.

"Some senator's bimbo daughter he met at an FOH meeting," Belladonna waved.

"Five will get you ten he knocked her up," Remy sniggered.

"I've heard of being groomed for a position but this is ridiculous," Betsy sniggered.

"Okay, I gotta get in on this!" Rogue held up her hands. "This is just too good to be true!"

CRASH!

"AAAAHAHHHHHAAAA!"

TINK! TINK! PLUNK!

CRASH! CRASH! CRASH!

SPLAT!

RIP!

"MY DRESS! AAAAAHHHHH!"

CRASH!

"I think we're too late," Betsy pointed at the throngs of people fleeing the ballroom. "It seems someone else has crashed the party."

"Told you about the chaos and insanity. Please let it not be who I think it is," Rogue sighed. They went inside. "Yup it is."

_"I feel pretty! Oh so pretty!"_ Stephan danced around in a bride's gown. S'ym and the others were dunking Duncan into a huge wedding cake. The guests were fleeing for their lives including the bride in her underwear.

"Hello friends!" Illyana held up a glass of champagne as she sat on a table. "Enjoy the show!"

"Aren't you too young to drink?" Remy asked.

"Remy, she's the sorceress ruler of Limbo," Belladonna gave him a look. "She can do whatever she wants."

"Believe me, I've tried," Peter was slumped in a chair sporting a black eye.

"Well I'm sorry I slugged you brother, but it's the principle of the thing," Illyana scoffed.

"I KNEW IT! JEAN SENT YOU HERE DIDN'T SHE?" Duncan screamed as he tried to climb out of the cake.

"AHHH! SHADDAP!" Maxx shoved him down again.

"Shame to waste a good cake," Benos shook his head.

"I like these guys," S'ym grinned.

"We're not going to do anything are we?" Rogue asked.

"Nah, let 'em have their fun," Remy waved. "Wait, where are my brothers?"

"They said something about casino vaults," Illyana shrugged.

"Let's go," Rogue and the others turned to leave.

"Take me with you!" Peter begged.

"Go ahead brother, we'll catch up later!" Illyana waved. "Now demons! Let's do the Smashing Head Dance!"

"I hope that poor bride got a pre nup," Betsy remarked as they left to the sounds of Duncan's screaming. "If she did she'd get a pretty penny."

"Okay that solves the mystery of the Missing Demons," Remy said. "Now where did the others go?"

"OH YEAH! BIG WINNER!" A loud familiar German voice could be heard inside one of the casinos.

"MAMMA GETS NEW PAIR OF SHOES TONIGHT!" Another familiar German voice was heard.

"Well there are the Wagners," Rogue said.

"How could they just go play the slots while their son is lost in outer space?" Belladonna asked.

"Come on, they don't know," Rogue told them. "And Kurt kind of shooed them away from the Infirmary. I guess we should tell them."

"Uh, let's hold off on that a little…" Betsy pointed. "We have bigger problems."

Remy's brothers, sisters, and adopted father were running by carrying large sacks of money. Trinity, Roadblock and Amara were chasing them. "BRING BACK THAT MONEY!" Amara yelled.

"Yeah! You're supposed to win it by cheating like everyone else!" Daria shouted.

"Should we follow them?" Remy asked.

"No…" Logan staggered up to them. He looked very haggard. "Trust me they'll catch 'em."

"What about the security guards?" Rogue asked.

"They're a little occupied," Logan sighed. "You know there's a Thunder Down Under Show not far from here?"

"Yeah…" Betsy said.

"Cover Girl found it," Logan sighed. "Spirit's trying to calm her down. And the Blind Master met up with a few more chorus girls and are having a party with even more security guards."

"How can two GI Joes keep about a hundred security guards occupied?" Rogue asked. "Wait I forgot who I was talking about."

"This is starting to become a holiday tradition," Remy quipped. "Causing chaos in Atlantic City."

"Why should this year be any exception?" Althea ran up to them with the rest of her team.

"I thought you guys were supposed to track down Lifeline and the boys?" Logan asked.

"We were, but then their signal changed," Forge explained.

"Yeah according to our instruments they're somewhere around…" Alex began when a scream interrupted him. "Here…"

"More running people," Rogue sighed as they all went off to find the scream. "Great sign."

They rounded the corner. "OH MY GOD!" Rogue screamed. "It's the guys!"

"THEY'RE NAKED!" Angelica screamed.

"Way to state the obvious Firestar!" Lance snapped as he covered himself with his hands. Most of the boys and Lifeline were naked in the hallway.

"This is so humiliating…" Lifeline groaned as he hid behind a statue.

"YOU'RE EMBARRASED?" Doug cried as he hid behind another statue. Lifeline was definitely the more muscular and rugged of the two. "At least you don't look like a stick!"

"What happened to your clothes?" Jean's jaw dropped.

"BLAME TOAD!" Scott was trying to use a potted plant to cover himself. "HE WAS AT THE CONTROLS!"

"Well that explains a lot," Rogue shrugged.

"For some reason anything that wasn't metal disintegrated as soon as we materialized here," Bobby grumbled. He had encased himself in his ice form and had made it look like he was wearing briefs. The others were not so fortunate.

"Looks like I got what I wanted this Christmas!" Althea crowed as she chased Todd around. "Naked Toddles! Naked Toddles!"

"Al! Al! Come on! Give me a break!" Todd hopped around using a briefcase to cover himself.

"Where did he get the briefcase?" Wanda blinked.

"We landed right in the middle of a boardroom meeting," Doug explained. He had a spreadsheet covering himself. "A very big important boardroom meeting."

"You don't mean…?" Alex blinked.

"Let's just say that Randall guy was **not** pleased by the interruption," Shane grumbled as he tried to cover himself with a newspaper.

"You mean…" Rogue's eyes widened.

"We mooned Donald Trump, yes!" Kurt snapped.

"Reason I **Don't **Want To Be An X-Man Number 36," Alex covered his eyes.

"Reason I Wish I **Wasn't** An X-Man Number **362!"** Scott agreed.

"COME ON AL! I MEAN IT!" Todd screamed as he tried to escape Althea's insane lust.

"YEEEEHAAAAA!" Althea whooped with glee.

"Now I see the family resemblance to Shipwreck and Trinity," Jubilee remarked.

"So much for the theory of Wavedancer being the only sane one in **that** group," Rogue grunted. "She's just as hormone crazed as the rest of 'em!"

"You know as nauseated as I am by seeing Toad naked," Wanda remarked. "For some reason I feel like there's a bit of justice in the world."

"You mean after all those times of him bothering you, seeing someone who's as crazy for the human wart tormenting him?" Rogue asked.

"Exactly," Wanda nodded. "Speaking of which where's my brother?"

"WHEEEEEEEEE!" A blur ran by.

"He's actually **enjoying **this the little freaky exhibitionist," Kurt moaned as he tried to hide in a chandelier on the ceiling.

"Okay we gotta…" Jean began.

"HEEHEHEEHEEHEEEEEEE!" Althea squealed.

"Calm Wavedancer down…" Jean sighed as she levitated Althea away from Todd. "Then…"

"Somebody! There's a naked angel flying around the Trump Taj Mahal!" A man ran by. He saw the sight of several naked mutants before him. Including Kurt on the ceiling. "AAAAHHHHH!" He ran away in the other direction.

"Donald Trump got mooned again," Remy sighed.

"And George," Spirit remarked as he walked up to them with Hank. "Although it seems Carolyn isn't really bothered by this."

"She's taking pictures," Hank said.

"Where's Cover Girl?" Rina asked. "And why is Angel naked?"

"Let's just say I sent her back before we received any more lawsuits," Spirit sighed.

"And Angel is more than slightly inebriated thanks to Shipwreck," Hank explained.

"WHOOOO! OWWWWW! STORM!" Shipwreck's scream could be heard. "THAT HURTS!" Lightning flashed as well as a huge snow squall could be seen out the window.

"Well here's another record snowstorm around the Holidays," Hank groaned.

"And we're gonna get a record number of lawsuits if we don't get out of here," Rogue moaned.

**HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! HOPE YOUR PARTY IS AS WILD AS THIS ONE IS! OR ISN'T DEPENDING ON YOUR PREFERENCE...**


	10. It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Troubl

**It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Trouble**

"All right…" Xavier rubbed his head in an attempt to stop the pounding headache he had from growing even more. He looked at the large group back in the Institute's library. "Let's see if I can understand what happened on your little excursions. You fought aliens, crashed Duncan Matthew's wedding, tried to steal money from a casino, mooned Donald Trump and his associates…twice!"

"**Accidentally** mooned," Lance pointed out. "There's a difference."

"The demons ran amok causing more trouble to our enemies," Xavier continued. "Where are they anyway?"

"My sister took them all back to Limbo with her," Peter explained. "She gave Kurt's brothers a job working for S'ym."

"So now S'ym is happy that he has people to order around," Tabitha concluded.

"Exactly," Peter nodded. "They all seemed to be happy with the arrangement."

"Well that's **two** problems taken care of," Kurt blew out a sigh of relief. "Hallelujah!"

"Yeah but they still left a mess," Rogue pointed out. "You know both Stryker and the FOH are going to go on the warpath after they recover. And guess who their first target is gonna be?"

"I guess it would be too much to hope for that it would be Kevin Federline will it?" Arcade asked.

"No, Arcade," Logan sighed. "I don't think that's gonna happen."

"And Mr. Pendergrass…" Xavier asked.

"We lured him out of the bathroom with low fat sugar free cookies,"Jean said as she walked into the room, catching the tail end of the conversation. "Unfortunately Kitty made them so he's back in the infirmary again."

"Cover Girl molested some male dancers, and on top of it all one of the fruitcakes you catapulted crashed through the mayor's window?" Xavier glared at the other students.

"I know, it's weird," Tim scratched his head. "Who knew he had a house by the ocean down a couple miles from here?"

"It just gets crazier and crazier around here," Scott groaned. "This isn't supposed to be like this! Our lives are not supposed to be **this** screwed up!"

"Really?" Todd blinked. He looked at Fred.

"News to me," Fred shrugged.

"I mean, yeah fighting evil mutants and humans that want to see us exterminated, that I get," Scott got up and began pacing back and forth. "Fighting aliens and giant robots I guess comes with the territory but…but…all this crazy stuff! It's not **supposed** to happen!"

"Scott please don't have a mental breakdown," Jean sighed. "We really don't need it right now."

"Especially when we have so many other problems to consider," Logan folded his arms. "Okay Charles, I take it Toad's Wild Ride was caused by something other than what you wanted the Gumbo Senior and the others to get for you?"

"You assume correctly Logan," Xavier looked at Jean Luc and his family. "I'd like to know what that alien device was doing in my closet."

"Well we kind of needed a place to hide it from SHEILD for a bit," Henri gulped. Jean Luc elbowed him. "What? He's a telepath! He already knows!"

"Did you know what it does?" Logan asked.

"Only that it was some kind of teleportation device," Gustave admitted.

"Teleportation!" Xavier glared at Jean Luc.

"Hold on Xavier," Jean Luc held up his hands. "We Thieves and Assassins only agreed not to steal the teleportation watches from the Misfits. You said nothing about getting a teleportation device from other sources."

"That's part of your deal?" Lance asked Xavier.

"Yes," Xavier nodded. "We already have **enough **problems with people misusing that device."

"Really? Like what?" Todd blinked.

Xavier decided to ignore this. "I also took it for granted that you would honor your agreement not to steal on this visit."

"Oh we thought you just meant from **you,"** Alphonse said.

"And technically we were doing another visit to Atlantic City so…" Henri began.

"Never mind!" Scott threw up his hands. "You're all just lucky we decided not to let you rot in jail as long as you left the money behind!"

"Don't say Remy didn't warn you Professor. So what exactly did you have the Thieves' Guild get you in the first place?" Remy asked.

"I'm afraid that has to wait," Xavier frowned. "It seems that we have another uninvited houseguest to tend to." He looked at Jubilee. "Care to explain Jubilee?"

"Or would you like me to tell everyone how all their Christmas crafts were made this year?" Low Light asked. "Here's a clue, it wasn't by Santa's Elves."

"Jubilee…" Logan warned her. "What's going on?"

"Well…" Jubilee fidgeted. "You remember my Aunt Hope right? That she was kind of an assasin? And how her house blew up and everything?"

"Vividly," Logan nodded.

"And we all thought she was dead?" Jubilee went on. "Well…She's not."

"She's **alive?"**Jean gasped.

"Yeah," Jubilee admitted. "She was kind of…hiding."

"Hiding where? In your closet?" Logan asked.

"Yeah," Jubilee gulped.

"Your Aunt Hope was trapped in the closet?" Shane gasped.

"Technically not trapped but hiding," Jubilee explained.

"I've said it before and I'll say it again," Shane groaned. "I'm stuck in an R. Kelly video!"

"This definitely beats my dead grandmother," Jean was shocked.

"Let me see if I get this straight," Logan winced. "In addition to the Thieves' Guild nonsense, the alien thing and all this other stuff, your Aunt Hope is alive and making crafts in your closet?"

"Actually she's out of the closet now," Aunt Hope walked in.

"You have some nerve coming here lady!" Logan growled. "If SHEILD finds out that you're here…"

"I'm the least of your problems," Aunt Hope folded her arms. "I know what they got for you this Christmas and boy are you going to be on SHEILD'S Naughty List when they find out. If they haven't already."

"I don't know what you're…" Xavier began.

"Save it Charley," Aunt Hope interrupted. "I know. On one of my bathroom runs I managed to take a peek at your files. You have The List. The Complete List."

"The List?" Roadblock's jaw dropped and he turned on Xavier. "You got a copy of **The List?"**

"A list?" Scott asked. "A list of what?"

"Not **a** list…" Shipwreck told him. "**The** List."

"The List?" The Blind Master gasped. "You got an illegal copy of **The List!"**

"You know any other kind of copy of The List?" Roadblock snapped.

"How the hell did you guys pull it off?" Low Light yelled. "How could you get **The List** right from…Not even SHEILD has the complete **List!"**

"Well that's why Xavier asked us to get it from all the other…" Jean Luc began before Belladonna elbowed him in the ribs. "What? They already know!"

"List? What list?" Jean asked. "What are you guys talking about?"

"Yeah why are all you guys so uptight about a list?" Lance asked.

"Not **a** list," Roadblock said. "**The List.**"

"The List?" Jean asked.

"The 201," Roadblock's jaw was firm. "The ultimate list of all lists."

"201?" Shipwreck blinked. "I thought it was the 198?"

"It was until a couple of years ago," The Blind Master said. "They added a few. Including us and the X-Men. Somebody didn't like the number."

"Well I knew we were on it," Shipwreck said. "I just thought they bumped a few others off."

"No, they kept them and put us on," Cover Girl said.

"Wait, what exactly is this 201 or The List or whatever you guys call it?" Rogue interrupted. "And why are we on it?"

"It's not Santa's naughty list is it?" Fred asked.

"No, Fred but it might as well be," Roadblock sighed. "The 201 is the most complete and detailed catalog of most powerful, dangerous, mysterious secret societies, terrorist groups, ancient races or any other individual with great powers in the world."

"So it's not a list of how many mutants there are in the world huh?" Fred asked.

"I hope **that** never happens," Pietro shuddered.

"Let's just say I have a feeling the odds of **that** happening in **this **world are pretty slim," Althea said.

"So we're on this list?" Kitty asked. "But we're the good guys."

"Well so is SHEILD technically," Shipwreck said. "They're on it too. Number Five I believe."

"I thought they were number Seven?" Low Light looked at him.

"No that's Hydra," The Blind Master said. "Or are they Eight? But I know GI Joe is Number 27."

"Well that's not too bad," Cover Girl said. "I mean considering."

"What numbers are we?" Pietro asked.

"I was told the X-Men were Number 29 and the Misfits are Number 28," Roadblock told them.

"Wait a minute!" Scott said. "That's not right! The Misfits are ahead of the X-Men? Why do you lunatics and maniacs get a higher number than…Oh wait, I think I've just answered my own question."

"Wait a minute, how do we get to be crazier and more dangerous than the X-Geeks?" Pietro asked.

"Hello? My sisters!" Althea gave him a look.

"Oh yeah right," Pietro nodded.

"Not to mention you," Wanda snorted.

"Yeah I'm pretty…HEY! YOU MEANT THAT AS AN INSULT, DIDN'T YOU?" Pietro glared at his sister.

"And people call me slow," Fred chuckled.

"Hold on," Ororo held up her hands. "Are you saying that this list is classified or something."

"It's illegal to have the entire copy of The List," Cover Girl explained. "Even a partial unauthorized copy can land you a lifetime behind bars."

"WHAT?" Scott yelled.

"Well since we're all getting things out in the open," Fred interrupted. "You guys remember that call I got?"

"The one where you trashed the phone and the wall?" Ray asked.

"Accidentally trashed," Fred held up a finger. "Well it was from someone who wanted to visit. I thought it would be okay since it was Christmas and all…"

"Who?" Scott asked. "Who did **you **invite?"

"Howdy!" Daisy Mae Dukes, the irreverent gray haired grandma felon dressed like a cowgirl waltzed into the room carrying a basket of cookies. "Who wants cookies? Fresh made by yours truly!"

"I'll take some," Kurt shrugged and grabbed some with several others.

"Granny?" Scott gasped. "Daisy Mae Dukes is **back?"**

"And still on the lam last I checked," Logan groaned. "What are you doing here?"

"Thought I'd stop in for a visit," Daisy Mae shrugged. "And cook up a few things. Who wants pie?"

"Me!" Fred raised his hand excitedly.

"Big surprise," Pietro said in a droll manner.

"YOU JUST LET HER COME IN HERE?" Scott yelled at Fred.

"Well yeah," Fred shrugged. "I figure since you let Jubilee's Aunt stay here…"

"Not to mention The Thieves' Guild and the Assassin's Guild," Remy pointed out.

"These cookies are delicious," Aunt Hope munched on one.

"Hey you're that Black Mantis aren't you?" Daisy Mae asked. "Love your work."

"Well thanks," Aunt Hope grinned. "I've heard about your work too and it's pretty impressive."

"Well thank you," Daisy Mae grinned. "That's a real nice compliment. Have another cookie."

"This is so not happening," Jubilee winced.

"So to recap," Lance said. "Not only is Xavier hiding a few felons, he's in possession of some classified information that could send all of us up the river for life."

"Not if we turn him in first," Pietro thought aloud. "We could do that right?"

"We are **not** going to do that Pietro," Lance glared at him.

"I didn't say we **were **going to do it," Pietro bristled. "I said we **could **do it. But we won't. There. Don't say you didn't get anything for Christmas."

"Thanks a lot," Scott glared at him. "What the hell is this? Every nutcase and wanted felon dropping in for no reason other to drive us crazy? It doesn't make sense!"

"Like **anything** makes sense around here," Bobby rolled his eyes. "Dude, haven't you been paying attention all these years?"

"But it's so random and…" Scott threw up his hands. "And meaningless insanity."

"Who are you? The Reality Police?" Lance asked. "The world is an insane screwed up place, Summers. Deal with it. Just do what I do, sit back and enjoy the ride."

"In Xavier's case the ride all the way to the Big House," Shipwreck quipped.

"That is not going to happen," Xavier said. The phone rang. "Hold on a moment and let me take this." He answered the phone. "Xavier Institute, may I help you?"

"Professor, it's Nick Fury," The familiar voice spoke. "I'm on my way over, we need to talk. It's about something you have that I want."

"Oh…Goody," Xavier's headache was about to get a lot bigger.


	11. Santa Snark is Coming to Town

**Santa Snark is Coming To Town**

"Great just great! Fury's going to kill us for this whole List thing!" Scott paced back and forth. "And of course Gambit's relatives and Belladonna high tail it out of here!"

"That's because they're smart," Kurt said as he and Todd played cards. "Got any Sideshow Bobs?"

"Go Maggie," Todd shook his head.

"What?" Scott looked at them.

"It's a Simpson's version of Go Fish," Arcade explained. He and Xi were playing too.

"How can you just sit there and play cards at a time like this?" Scott snapped.

"Because Iceman and Shooter are hogging the video games," Arcade grumbled. "Something about Jubilee. Don't ask."

"Well at least with their rivalry they aren't wrecking the place," Logan grumbled. "And speaking of the Firecracker's problems where is her aunt? You she's probably the **real reason** Fury's coming over here!"

"She's in the kitchen with Daisy Mae," Todd told him. "They get along like a house on fire."

"Big surprise," Scott sighed.

"Actually Fury's exact words were that we had **something** he wanted," Hank pointed out. "Perhaps he was referring to the teleportation device?"

"Then all we have to do is give it to him," Scott said.

"Or what's left of it…" Forge held up the box. "I kind of removed a few pieces already…"

"I'm not even going to ask…" Scott moaned. "Great, this can not get any worse."

BRANNNGGG! BRANNNG!

The alarm blared loudly. "When will I learn?" Scott moaned. "When will I learn **not** to say things like that?"

"Geeze Summers," Todd gave him a look. "Even **I **know better to say that!"

"I know, I know…" Scott hung his head in shame.

Todd stood tall and made a coughing noise. "For your transgression of this unwritten rule, you will write 'I Will Not Say Things Cannot Get Any Worse' a hundred times."

"I WILL **NOT!"** Scott roared at him so loud it made Todd make a squeaking sound and jumped on the ceiling.

"Let's settle down and check out the situation," Xavier made his way to the monitor. "What in the world…?"

"This is Trish Tilby reporting!" The harried reporter shouted. "It appears that downtown Bayville has been invaded by strange lizard like mutants in some kind of flying saucers. They have an army of…metal Santas?"

"Out of my way hu-man!" The Snark Commander shoved her out of the way. "People of Earth! We are not mutants! We are Snarks from a galaxy far far away…You with the camera…WHY ARE YOU SNIGGERING?"

"Oh no…" Scott groaned.

"We are using your own fictional creatures against you!" The Snark Commander snarled at the camera. "Your pitiful town will be the first to submit to the Snark Empire! This is the price your precious X-Men must pay for defying us!"

"Here we go…" Hank rolled his eyes.

"Great! An alien invasion! Just what I wanted for Christmas!" Logan threw up his hands.

"And I want a piece of paper and a pencil," Scott groaned as they raced off to prepare for battle. "Because I am **definitely** going to write down I Will Not Say Things Cannot Get Any Worse a hundred times!"

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

It was only supposed to be a quick visit to the Xavier Institute for Nick Fury. That's why he only took his personal hover jet instead of a full compliment of helicopters.

Needless to say being shot at by mechanical Santas riding sleighs and carrying alien lizards was not what he expected.

"This is Nick Fury calling SHEILD…" Nick began to transmit. "I need all available squads…"

BOOM!

BOOM!

"I'm hit! I'm hit!" Fury shouted.

"HO HO HO…" The metal Santa laughed.

"OH SHUT UP!" Fury managed to blast the machine with his own ship's lasers.

Miraculously Fury managed to make it to the lawn of the Xavier Institute. Forge and Doug pulled him out of his craft.

"Are you all right sir?" Doug asked.

"Oh yeah, just peachy. Shot down by a Santa…" Fury groaned. "I'll never hear the end of this."

"Don't worry, Fury," Forge reformed his arm into a mechanical tool. "I think we can patch that up right away." He whistled sharply.

Trinity and Spyder ran up with tools. "OUTTA THE WAY! PIT CREW! PIT CREW!" They shouted as they went to work immediately on the craft.

"So what the hell are the Snarks doing in Bayville?" Fury looked at the sky. He saw the strange aircraft being attacked by several flying Misfits and X-Men. "I thought they were the Power Pack's enemy?"

"They are? Wait, you know about the Snarks?" Forge blinked.

"We know a lot about aliens," Fury snorted. "We've been covering them up since the Fifties."

"I thought that whole Roswell thing was in the 40's?" Doug asked.

"It was," Fury explained. "That was actually one of ours. It was the early years of SHIELD and one of the pilots was drunk and…WHY AM I TELLING YOU THIS?"

"Because I asked?" Doug said weakly.

"Well here's another question for you," Fury blinked. "Does this have anything to do with that device the Thieves' Guild stole?"

"Hey! Beast was right," Brittany piped up. "He was coming about that and not the other stuff."

"WHAT OTHER STUFF?" Fury snapped. "WHAT HAVE YOU MANIACS DONE THIS TIME?"

"Well…" Doug gulped. "Do you really want to know?"

"No I guess not," Fury sighed. "I think I'm better off with blissful ignorance."

"All done!" Daria said as they finished.

"That was fast," Fury blinked. "Well I'd better help shut down this Futurama rip off…"

Suddenly two figures knocked him down and jumped into the hover jet. "Whoa! Sweet ride!" Daisy Mae shouted.

"Thanks for the lift pal!" Aunt Hope waved and started to push the buttons.

"WHAT THE…?" Fury shouted as he saw the two women take off in his vehicle. "COME BACK HERE YOU…."

He stopped and blinked as they flew away. "Wait a minute…Who were they?"

"Who were who?" Forge blinked.

"The women who stole my hover jet!" Fury shouted.

"Snark Agents?" Brittany suggested.

"SNARK AGENTS MY AAAAAAAAA…." Fury fumed as he cut himself off mid swear. "That was Blob's grandmother wasn't it? And the other one was…THE BLACK MANTIS? SHE'S ALIVE?"

"Not important right now," Quinn tugged at his sleeve.

"DON'T YOU TELL ME WHAT'S NOT IMPORTANT RIGHT NOW YOU LITTLE…" Fury began.

Then he saw a flaming Santa headed for them. "Okay, **not **important! RUN!" They barely got out of the way before it landed and exploded.

KABOOOM!

"I am beginning to hate this place…" Fury grumbled.

Meanwhile the fight against the Snarks was going quite well for the mutants. Despite the destruction they caused. And the big fires. And a few giant holes in the streets. And no civilians were getting hurt.

"AAAHHHHHHH!" Mayor Chandler screamed as a metallic Santa chased him in his spaceship like sleigh.

Well most of them.

ZZZZAAAPPPP!

Scott's optic blast knocked it out of the air. "There goes another one!" He shouted.

"Shooting Santas out of the sky," Kurt moaned. "**Another** holiday tradition!"

"BLAST THEM! BLAST THEM!" The Snark Commander tried to direct his troops but the irate mutants and GI JOE forces were easily blasting them. "NO! NO! NO! WATCH OUT! ON YOUR LEFT! YOUR LEFT! NO YOU FOOL YOUR OTHER LEFT!"

"Sir," Skratt said. "We're running out of fuel! If we don't leave now we'll never make it back to the ship!"

"HOW CAN WE BE OUT OF FUEL?" The Snark Commander snapped. "What we forgot to finish fueling up the ships?"

"Well…" Skratt gulped.

"NEVER MIND!" The Snark Commander snarled as he grabbed Skratt and headed for his ship.

"They're leaving!" Tabitha shouted as she made a huge energy bomb and gave it to Peter. He tossed it and blew up another Santa.

"That's because there's not much left to blow up…" Peter grumbled as he looked at all the destruction. "We will get blamed for this I know it…"

"Great **now** the air force shows up," Low Light mocked as the armed forces finally arrived to chase off the Snarks.

"And we heard them exclaim as they flew out of sight…" Fred snickered.

"WE'LL GET YOU YET MUTANTS!" The Snark Commander screamed as they retreated. "THE SNARKS HAVE ONLY JUST BEGUN TO FIGHT!"

**Coming up, the less than exciting conclusion of this fic. Well it's kind of hard to top an alien invasion of Santas….**


	12. That's A Wrap Folks

**That's A Wrap Folks**

A few hours after the invasion…

"Three houses burned to the ground, several streets wrecked, dozens of police cars with laser holes in them…" Mayor Chandler was reading a list to Xavier. "And a big huge hole in my window where some fruitcake was flung through my window! How do you explain to your insurance agent that your house was wrecked by fruitcake from **outer space!" **

"Uh…" Xavier decided to keep silent on this issue. "At least no one was seriously injured."

"Xavier…Remember last year? When I asked what you would do next?" Mayor Chandler glared at the telepath. "Remember what I said, about the aliens invading?"

"Apparently we did," Todd remarked. The Misfits and X-men had gathered around the living room which the mayor was having his latest tirade against the X-Men.

"IT WAS **NOT **A SUGGESTION!" Mayor Chandler screamed.

"Look at the bright side," Bobby said. "Think of the tourist industry you can get from this. I mean, look at Roswell. They made a lot of money over the fake aliens! We've got the real thing right here!"

"Oh yes," Mayor Chandler said sarcastically. "Just what this town needs. MORE WEIRDOES!"

"Xavier!" Fury stormed in. "We need to talk!"

"It's starting already…" Mayor Chandler groaned. "Who are **you?"**

"Nick Fury, head of SHEILD," Fury growled. "Xavier, I've got a bone to pick with you!"

"Take a number!" Mayor Chandler snapped. "I got here first!"

"Mayor Chandler you cannot blame mutants for an alien invasion," Xavier sighed.

"I'm not so sure," Fury folded his arms. "You guys did take that device from SHEILD which was of an alien origin."

"WHAT?" Mayor Chandler snapped. "I KNEW IT! YOU **ARE **RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS!"

"Mayor, if you don't mind," Fury sighed. "We're getting into some sensitive information here…"

"Sensitive? You want to talk about **sensitive?"** Mayor Chandler got in Fury's face. "Do you know where I was when that fruitcake came crashing through? It wasn't my living room pal! I was already trying to calm my ulcer down from all the insanity and craziness these **maniacs **cause and…"

"Mayor!" Fury snapped. "Unless you want me to disclose some other sensitive information, such as exactly why you put your **mistress** on the city's civil retirement plan…"

"Oh dear look at the time," Mayor Chandler made a show of looking at his watch. "Look Xavier, expect to hear from my lawyer about this! I'm going to sue you!"

"Aren't you **already **suing us?" Tabitha asked.

"Oh yeah," Mayor Chandler said. "Well add this to the list!" He stormed out.

"Thanks a lot Tabitha…" Scott groaned.

"What? He would have remembered anyway," Tabitha explained.

"We really should be thanking Fury here," Rogue pointed out.

"I didn't do that for **you**," Fury growled. "Quite frankly that guy just annoys me."

"He annoys everyone," Remy smirked.

"Yes but not as much as you morons! Thanks to you, the world now knows the existence of aliens from other planets!" Fury threw up his hands.

"Well it's not like we asked them to invade!" Rogue snapped.

"You practically sent them an invitation when you were fooling around with that device we confiscated a while back," Fury snapped. "Now that there's concrete evidence of life on other planets, the whole world is being thrown into panic **again**. Theologians are already arguing over this. Gun sales are up. George Lucas has finally decided to release the Star Wars Holiday Special to DVD! It's insane out there! And that's just the tip of the iceberg!"

Fury's cell phone rang. "Hold on. Fury here," He took the call. "WHAT? THEY WHAT? WHERE ARE THEY NOW? YOU'RE KIDDING ME? OF ALL THE STUPID…AAAHHHH! HOLD ON! I'LL BE RIGHT THERE!" He shut off the phone.

"Trouble at home?" Fred asked innocently.

"**Your **Aunt Hope and **your **Grandmother have just staged a prison break at SHIELD!" Fury screamed at Jubilee and Fred. "They got Hope's boyfriend out and took off in a SHEILD stealth helicarrier! They could be anywhere!"

"Wow! How romantic!" Fred said happily.

"Oh yeah, delightful!" Fury shouted. "I know they were hiding out here! Don't deny it! That's it! I am going to throw the book at **all **of you!"

"Hold on Fury," Logan held up his hand. "We're not exactly the only ones here who have bent a few rules. What about the Widow huh? You didn't mind breaking a few rules to help her defect."

"Defect, to **our side!"** Fury shouted.

"Look we didn't know that the Black Mantis was alive until a few hours ago," Logan growled. "And Daisy Mae was a surprise too. It's not like we hid them for **sixteen** **years** unlike a certain head of SHEILD with a few **other** criminals!"

"This is not about me Logan," Fury growled.

"It will be if you push it," Logan snapped. "Or have you forgotten why I left all those years ago? I wonder how the Pentagon would react if they found out what **really **happened on certain missions? Including…"

"Don't bring **that** up!" Fury snarled. "Neither of us had a choice and you know it!"

"Maybe," Logan said. "But it still wouldn't go down well with the folks in charge."

"I got word from General Hawk," Roadblock said. "The Pentagon is in a bit of a squawk. But with us taking care of the Snarks on TV, folks are a little less uneasy."

Fury stood there a moment. "Fine. But I would start watching my steps very carefully from now on. Just return the device and I'll leave."

"Here you go," Todd dug it out of his pocket.

"You gave it **back** to him?" Scott was surprised.

"Well considering all the parts were…" Forge began. Lance elbowed him in the stomach. "OOF!"

"Parts were what?" Fury asked.

"Nothing," Todd said. "Shake it. They're still in there. Thousands of tiny little microchips and..."

"I'll take your word for it," Fury took it from Todd. "I don't know what you wanted this thing for Xavier…"

"He didn't," Remy said. "My old man was trying to sell it off to him."

"Figures," Fury grunted. "That's coming out of his salary." He stormed off.

"Phew…" Kurt let out a deep breath. "That was close."

"Your family stole that device also in case something like this happened didn't they?" Althea asked Remy.

"A common misdirection technique," Remy admitted. "Why look for something copied when something is obviously stolen? Remy just glad the thing was fixed."

"No it wasn't," Forge coughed. "Some of those pieces are still in my lab."

"What?" Scott asked. "But how…"

"I kind of switched the contents a little," Todd coughed. "To make the box seem full. It worked! I mean I packed them in solid."

"Switched them?" Jean looked at Todd. "With what?"

"Packed **what** in solid?" Logan asked.

"Well…" Todd gulped. "Jean, remember when you were wondering what to do with your evil dead grandmother's ashes? Well…"

"Never mind!" Jean held up her hands. "Never mind! Some holiday this has been!"

"Some year this has been," Rogue sighed.

"Well let's review our accomplishments for the year 2005," Hank sighed. "Ticked off SHEILD twice, got into fights with aliens and indirectly revealed their existence, destroyed the Hellfire Club's secret inner sanctum…"

"Finally got Evan in trouble with the law," Pietro added.

"Fought off Sentinels," Hank continued counting them off on his fingers. "Destroyed Neverland, prevented a nuclear meltdown, resealed up the Shadow King in his dimensional prison, prevented the Reverend Stryker from escaping jail…"

"Getting Evan in trouble with the law," Pietro added.

"Met my daughter from an alternate timeline and prevented her from going insane," Scott went on. "Had our Thanksgiving wrecked by Cobra Bats, the Institute got invaded by everyone from Acolytes to the Juggernaut to ancient gods to snobby stars…"

"Imaginary enemies," Lance piped up.

"Don't forget the irradiated emus," Todd added. "And mutant seagulls!"

"How could **anyone** forget the irradiated emus and the mutant seagulls?" Kitty groaned.

"Especially the mutated seagulls," Logan added. "It took seven weeks for us to get the smell out!"

"And we got Evan in trouble with the law by framing the Hellions for a prank you X-Men pulled on Bayville High," Pietro added. "So we got him **twice **this year!"

"You keep saying that," Scott glared at him.

"Well it's my favorite," Pietro shrugged. "Wrecked Duncan Matthew's wedding…"

"When?" Jean gasped.

"Just now in Atlantic City," Peter explained.

"I thought it was Vegas you got quickie marriages in?" Kitty thought aloud.

"It is, but apparently Duncan didn't know that," Peter said. "He also didn't know my sister and the demons would show up."

"You're kidding?" Jean was shocked.

"I have the videotape she made," Peter admitted.

"Oh I have **got** to see this!" Jean started to laugh.

"To continue," Hank sighed. "We got banned from the park and a few other establishments, Forge's inventions drove us insane…"

"Started a riot on live television," Xavier gave him a look.

"Destroyed one of the Bio Pulses out there," Kurt decided to try and lighten the mood.

"Wrecked Duncan Matthew's marriage," Jean spoke up. "Well that's **my **favorite!"

"Jean went to a new university and made some new friends…" Xavier said.

"You mean the vampires Jean and I met that wanted us for dinner?" Scott asked.

"Or my professors that turned out to be Sinister and the Lizard?" Jean asked.

"Well…" Xavier blinked. "What about your lab partner Peter Parker that you've told us about? He sounds normal."

"Yeah I guess," Jean shrugged. "The only normal thing that's happened to us this year."

"Especially with you know…" Todd began. "That whole Phoenix thingy."

"Well at least Jean finally has a code name," Tabitha shrugged.

"There is no way we are calling Jean Phoenix," Scott told her.

"Actually…" Jean began. "I've been thinking and I kind of like it."

"What are you nuts?" Wanda blinked. "And that's **me **saying that!"

"Look this thing is a part of me now," Jean held up her hands. "Like it or not I have to accept that. Besides you've all been complaining on how I don't have a code name for years and I'm getting pretty sick of it."

"So…Phoenix it is," Logan shrugged. "Only took you how many **years **to come up with it?"

"Great, Jean has a code name," Kurt said.

"MEOWWWWWWWWW!" Prometheus shot past them.

CRASH!

SHATTER!

SMASH!

"As well as an insane cat…" Rogue blinked.

"Well," Hank blinked. "We've had a busy year."

"And something tells me it's going to get even busier in 2006," Scott groaned.

Suddenly a maniacal laugh could be heard. "What the hell is that?" Logan asked.

"HA! HA! I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT OH LORD! I WILL DO YOUR WILL!"

"Who is that?" Pietro asked.

"Mr. Pendergrass!" Jean said. "I'd forgotten all about him!"

"Well an alien invasion would kind of push all other things out of your brain," Fred remarked. "Things like that happen to me a lot."

"That does explain a lot," Pietro said.

Mr. Pendergrass ran by the door, wearing nothing but a hospital gown and stocking feet in stirrups. "I SHALL DO IT OH LORD! I WILL DO IT!"

"Do what Mr. Pendergrass?" Jean gulped.

"Do what the Lord has guided me to do!" Mr. Pendergrass was quite giddy. "Work with the mutants! God's wayward, sometimes violent children! And like all children they need love and care and guidance…and maybe a few anger management courses…"

"O-kay," Rogue blinked. She turned around. "Kitty what exactly did you put in those cookies?"

"I saw the light! As soon as I opened my eyes an Angel of the Lord was beside me!" Mr. Pendergrass raised his arms.

"Oh yeah…" Logan winced. "Wings still has that hangover…"

"I SHALL HELP MUTANTS! THAT IS MY LIFE'S PURPOSE! WHOOPIEEEEEEE!" He ran off down the hall.

"Okay who's turn is it to catch the crazy guy?" Logan sighed.

"Mine…" Hank sighed as he went off to get Mr. Pendergrass.

"Well…" Jubilee blinked. "At least we made a new friend. You know, an ally for mutantkind and all that junk?"

"Notice how all our allies are either crazy or criminals?" Scott sighed. He looked at the Misfits. "Or both?"

"That could be part of the problem," Kurt remarked.

"No, ya think?" Bobby said sarcastically.

"Well here's to the holidays," Logan groaned as he pulled out a flask from his hip pocket. "And a **wonderful **New Year. And this is the stuff that will get us through it!"

**Happy New Year everyone! Expect a few weird things and some changes. What else is new? **


End file.
